A Letter to My Baby Girl!

Dear Anna,

This is the first letter I write to you after your birth, and I’m very excited to tell you all the news that’s been happening in our lives lately. First let me start by telling you how much I’ve grown in love with you in these past eight months! From the moment I kissed your little hand in the hospital until this moment as you sit on the carpet playing with your toys and biting anything you could get your hands on! And I promise to keep loving you until the day I close my eyes and fall into my eternal sleep.

Baby girl, day by day, you’re teaching me how to be a mother, and a better human being. You’re eight months and two weeks old already, and every second of these eight months was an adventure. But there are certain moments that keep spinning through my mind every time I talk about you, I call these moments the peek memories. The first time I laid eyes on you when the doctor held you up after your delivery, and you were so blue and crying out so loud that your voice filled the operation room! That moment I was praying and crying and laughing at the same time!!! I was lost in that moment and all I wanted was to cuddle you and kiss you!

My second peek memory, was when we had a visit from some relatives who you’ve not seen before! When one of them tried to hold you up, you started crying and looked at me scared, and you tried to jump from the Lady‘s arms to mine!! I took you into my arms and for the first time I felt like a real mother, you were asking me to protect you  and I was there for you, and forever I ‘ll be there for you.

My third peek moment was the day you rolled over!! I was getting worried that you’re late to roll over and already seven months old! And one morning out of no where you rolled over! Me and your dad we were so excited, we were gazing at you not believing what just happened! And now you can’t stop rolling over and scooting yourself all over the house! I even caught you trying to pull over some of my decorative items! You’re so cute!

Here comes my Fourth and by so far my best peek moment! Your first tooth!!!! I’m super excited to tell you about this Anna, so last week you were biting on your plastic toy and suddenly you started screaming! Me and your dad rushed to pick you up, I thought you must have hurt your gum so I grabbed the teething gel and started rubbing your little swallow gum! I told your father : The poor thing must have heart herself hard, I can feel the cut beneath my finger! Thank God your father is the smart one in this family, LOL! He opened your mouth and saw your little tooth peeking out!

My poor baby, you have been really fuzzy through these few days. As another tooth peaked just right next to the other. And we haven’t been getting enough sleep. But I know it’s just a phase, another growth spurt that we’re experimenting together, and soon all the pain will go away and you’ll feel a lot better about those weird white things that appeared in your mouth all of a sudden!

OOOps  I forget to tell you about the day you first said Mama!!! But I wrote you a whole poem about that moment!

Anna, Me and your dad, we love you so much. Everything we do, every decision we take , we now do it with your best interest in mind. You’re the joy of our lives and the blessing in our house. And everyday we pray for God to give you a long healthy and happy life, and to give us the power to be there for you every step of the way and the good health to support you and watch you grow!

Until my second letter, stay as cute as you are, love you!

Mama

And you said ” Ma..ma”!!!

smile my baby girl,

your smile is magical, it cures mama’s heart

smile my baby girl,

giggle, laugh and play…

bringing life to my life, you seem to master this art

there’s no joy greater than the one I’m feeling today

your little lips imitating my morning song,

my little random babbling parrot,

your little lips my baby, managed to come together

and say the word I’ve been dreaming to hear for so long

” Ma…Maaa” you said it so innocently,

and you made my heart dance with your little smile of victory

staring deep inside your grey eyes, makes feel so strong

hearing you say ” Mama” was better than I ever thought it would be

a little tear tinkled my eyes as I held you and danced

but I refused to let it out, you’ll never see your mama cry

maybe on your graduation party, as you celebrate your degree

or on your wedding day, I might shed a tear ( or cry for nights after you leave)

As I stand with you , doing your veil, feeling so proud of the most beautiful girl…

Oh my god, I’ve gotten so carried away

my future just flashed in colors, and I saw you in years to come

all because of one little word

you cured mama’s heart

you little lovely being ,you seem to master this art:)

 

 

The Most Loving Heart

If Someone loves you for who you are

be you beautiful or ugly

Loves you even more than your mother or father or spouse would ever do

If Someone is there for you your whole life

through the bitter and sweet

and even when every body else shuts their doors in your face

this someone will be near you to wipe your tears and promise you

of better days, and  a better place

If this someone forgives you

even though you hurt him

it’s enough to be truly sorry and be sure to never do it again

he’s the best friend you’ll ever find in your joy and even in your pain

He knows your secrets even if you don’t tell him,

he knows your plans,

the roads you take, even the very word your thinking right now

needn’t you say!

He always does what is best for you, even though most of the times

you’ll doubt his ways

he keeps telling you to ask of him

and he shall give you what you ask for

all you have to do is believe that he’s always there for you

I bet you’re wondering now: Oh really? As if such a person exists!! Show me someone like that and I’ll never let go of him… right?

My friend, can’t you feel him already?don’t open your eyes and gaze around! see with your heart, there you’ll find him. Perfect in all his existence, the greatest heart of all times. The most loving , forgiving, father and friend. Trust in God my friend, he’s all that and much more than my poor pen could bare to write. Now that you found him, never let go of him…

Guilt!

Last week my baby girl fell down and bumped her head, while I was doing some chores around the house. She started crying, and I immediately rushed to pick her up. The moment I held her she stopped crying and cuddled me!

Knowing how serious and dangerous a head injury or concussion might be, I called her doctor. He asked whether she was vomiting or seemed to be sleepy or tired. Thank God she wasn’t! She was playing with her toy and giggling. He told me there was nothing to worry about , but I better keep a close eye for any of these symptoms for the next 24 hours.

That night I wasn’t able to sleep, I kept cuddling Anna and crying. I felt so guilty, for leaving her on her chair to do my chores. I had her sleep by my side and kept checking her breath all night! I even woke her several times just to make sure she’s ok. Since then, my guilt has been pursuing me, I don’t want to leave her at any moment of her awaking time! I only work around the house when she’s sleeping, which isn’t enough because she only takes little cat naps. And I wasn’t able to write any new posts, up until now.

I know that the guilt I felt was normal, and thank god my baby is fine. Her pedia told me that it’s always worst on the parents then it is on the baby ( psychologically speaking). But It was a good wake up call: I’m always worried about cleaning the house, cooking, inviting friends over, making sure people sees me, my house , my marriage ,my baby as ideal as possible. Now I know all these fake appearances don’t matter, what really counts is my baby’s health. What really matters is being there for her, even if I spend my whole day doing nothing but cuddling her and playing with her. Time passes so quickly, she’s already five months old and Soon I’ll be driving her to her first day of school without realizing how time went by. I don’t want to miss any moment of her growth.

How about you? do you have a similar story about your baby?

Or have you ever felt guilty about being distracted from a loved one when he needed you? I would love to hear from you, maybe my guilt will grow smaller…

It’s Time To Share This: Lord Jesus and Mother Mary in my dreams

I have been holding back on sharing some dreams I had during my pregnancy about Lord Jesus and Mother Mary, the reason I was not sharing these dreams is that I was afraid to be misunderstood.

As some of you know by now, I haven’t been a christian for so long. In fact, I first read the bible one year ago, because I wanted to learn more about the religion of the man I married. And reading the bible was the best thing that has ever happened in my life! I found love, in Jesus teachings. and in his actions I found peace, justice, forgiveness and light. I found a lamp so peaceful, that even as they crucified him he was praying for them!

One day, on our honeymoon, my husband accompanied me to Saint Charble’s Church.Knowing that I wanted a baby so desperately he asked me to pray and ask that the Lord blesses me with a child. And I did! I prayed with all my heart and soul that day. And that’s how my story with these holly dreams began ( If not to anyone else, these dreams are holly to me)

First dream: Anna-Elisabeth!

A few days after returning from praying in Saint Charble’s Church, I found out I was pregnant! Me and my husband were both excited and extremely grateful. I said to him on that evening: I want the name of the child to have the meaning of gratefulness , thankful for the merciful God for this wonderful gift. The only name that popped into my mind was “Grace” if the baby was to be a girl! The next day my husband came home with a printed list of names for babies  from the internet in different languages.I fell asleep while reading the list, and I had my first inspirational dream!

I saw myself in the back seat of our car, my husband driving and the seat beside him was empty! I was wondering why I was in the back seat when he suddenly stopped at a building site. There, stood a young woman with long black hair, wearing the safety hat of engineers. My husband got out of the car, hugged her and brought her back to the car to meet me. She looked exactly like him, but a feminine version! She held her hand out to me and said : I’m Hannah -Elisabeth , It’s nice to meet you. And suddenly the car was driving backwards, with me still in the back seat  feeling afraid, when I saw the hat of an engineer and her engineering manuscripts beside me!

That moment I woke up! I asked my husband ( who happens to be an engineer) If he knew someone named ” Anna- Elisabeth” at work. He said he didn’t even know that those two names go together! He googled the names and the surprise was  “Hannah: The Hebrew name Hannah means – gracious: Bible: the mother of Samuel”

“Elisabeth:Elizabeth or Elisabeth is the Greek translation of the Hebrew name Elisheva, meaning “God’s promise,” “oath of God,” or “I am God’s daughter.” Women in the Bible: Elizabeth, prophetess, cousin of Mary of Nazareth, mother of John the Baptist.

You are free to think that this was a coincidence or a regular dream, but to me it felt like an inspiration.  A few weeks pregnant and I was sure that I was carrying a baby girl, who I will be naming “Anna- Elisabeth”

Second Dream: Mother Mary and Lord Jesus

After learning about my pregnancy, I was feeling very emotional that one evening I suggested to my husband the idea of adopting a child!! My husband was very surprised, and he literary said: You’re going to be a mother soon, and you’ll barely have time for one baby. Why do you want to adopt!!

I felt sad from his response, although now I see how logical and right he was. I prayed for mother Mary before I went to sleep. I prayed to her to guide me, and show me the right path, and to help me decide on what religion I shall raise my baby!

I don’t remember if I had the dream that very night or the next night, but here’s what I saw in my dream:

I Saw mother Mary, wearing blue, and with a white veil on her hair. She didn’t talk to me, she just smiled at me and looked towards where her son “Lord Jesus”was standing! It was an open blue space with clouds, just like the sky. And Jesus was standing beside what seemed to be a fireplace. But there was no fire in that fireplace, instead there were a lot of glass bottles, each with a spirit trapped inside! Jesus was opening the bottles one by one, and setting the spirits free. Whenever a spirit left a bottle it turned into a pigeon and flied away! Right next to Jesus, stood a little boy, dressed in blue as well. He seemed to be instructing Lord Jesus on opening the bottles.

I said to Jesus: Forgive me Lord, but why is this little student instructing you! Shouldn’t you know better than him!

Then I saw Jesus approaching me with a smile and such a heavenly face. He said: sometimes we need to listen to the students, there’s a lot to learn from them!

and then Jesus spread both hands to me, and in the palm of each hand he was carrying a little girl, in the size of a hand! He was giving me the two girls when I woke up!

I was laying in bed, the room was empty, my husband beside me. but then I saw the face of Saint Charble, asking me to sleep on the shape of a cross.

I spread out my two arms , joined my legs and slept on the shape of a cross until morning!

My Third Dream: Mother Mary’s  Message to me

My third dream was during my last trimester of pregnancy. I saw myself with two young women, kneeling inside the door of a large church. We were dressed in clothes of nuns but not black and white! I was wearing brown and white, one of the girls was wearing olive green and white, and the other grey and white! The three of us were wearing large wooden crosses as necklaces and we were on our knees in prayer.The church was filled with people in front of us, dressed in casual clothes, standing up in prayers but with chaos and loud annoying noise! And then I heard mother Mary speak to me and the two women who were kneeling next to me, I didn’t see her, but I knew she was mother Mary. She said:

“Stay awake through your nights and pray, you have to crawl slowly towards the altar as you pray.

Stay awake through your nights and pray, for the end of times is very near!”

And I remember that we crawled to the altar on our knees as we prayed, but it took us a long time, and before reaching the altar, I woke up!

I’m not pretending to having seen a vision, or to being pure, I’m a normal person with my share of sins and bad doings which I’m ashamed of and I’m trying so hard to make up for them through doing the right thing.

But I was blessed and fortunate enough to see these dreams, and to have my baby. And I needed to share the messages in my dreams with you, maybe they will change your life for the better as they changed mine, and maybe Mother Mary and Lord Jesus, wanted me to share these dreams through my writings.

If you are in doubt, I have been in doubt before. If you are a sinner, I have been one before. If you are lost, I was lost for a long time before. But then, I searched for God! And God was everywhere around me! But I was blinded and I couldn’t see. When I took the decision to open my eyes, I was able to witness his Glory!

His Love is endless and God gives it to all of us, but you have to open your heart to be able to receive it. Pray to be guided to the true path and God shall guide you! Pray for forgiveness, and you shall be forgiven because God is merciful. Pray for justice and you shall be granted… For I have seen the darkness and it’s cold and full of hate and loneliness, and prayed to see the light, and God showed me warmth and kindness. God gave me a family when I had none! He gave me a safe home, when I was almost homeless! He gave me love, when I was begging for love! God has been gracious to me, even when I didn’t deserve it. Because God is my merciful father, and he loves all his children equally , open your hearts to his call, to his whispers  and you will be rewarded an ever lasting treasure in his kingdom.
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-24).¹⁹³

Missing Kindness (1) Danger Alert! Bed time Stories

“Standing in line at the cashier, with her two kids and a toddler on her arms and holding all the items that she has purchased, she was waiting for her turn. There was only one person in line before her when her baby started crying. As she was trying to calm a baby a woman behind her, asked her in an angry voice whether she was in line! Yes! She said looking at the cashier to find that two lines has formed around her in seconds!!! She was now left out of line, and the cashier told her rudely that she needed to get in line! “That’s what happened with my fellow blogger “M” is for Marriage and Motherhood,! She blogged about it in her post Missing Kindness!, saying: ” This incident made me think that I miss Kindness!… I am feeling sad, upset, and discourage. How come with every passing day there are more and more people caring less and less about simple acts of kindness that make this world so much better.”

“M” shouts out a call for love, for reviving kindness, she asks her readers to join her call for passing on this virtue: “Do you miss Kindness? If so, please, write a post about it and paste the picture on this post to your post. Let’s remember the world how important is to keep this virtue alive, because, indeed, it makes the world a better place! Thank you.”

To “M”, with love..

Inspired by your call, I will be writing several posts about why kindness is missing from our world today and how to help it blossom. So here’s part one!

Rana

Do you remember the old days, when people were kind and generous to each others. When everyone went to sleep with their doors opened and kept their car keys in the cars! When young men and women rushed to help the elderly cross the streets, or carried their groceries home ! When women took turn to help their neighbor who has just given birth.When cursing and saying bad words was as awful as a committing a crime! I bet a lot of few wish today was as good as yesterday, and that kindness blossoms again in the hearts . But why wish! Take action now:

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Look around you, there’s almost  a whole generation of people who are not kind, don’t take part of kindness activities for the benefit of the society or even worst: they think kindness is a sign of weakness. and when I say “almost”, it’s because there are still people in this world with good hearts and pure souls trying to help.

  It All Begins With The Children

Children are said to be sponges, at a very young age they start absorbing every little information coming their way!

A small but very serious example is the bed time stories we tell our children before they go to sleep, you know sleep the time when their eyes are closed and their little brains are analyzing in the subconscious every part of the story they just heard, turning it into facts which soon will shape their personality!!!

Let’s take the innocent story of Jack and the Beans for instant:

1-Mother tells Jack to sell the cow to get money, Jack triads the cow for magic beans instead!!: Hence Jack didn’t hear for his mom, and didn’t respect her words!

2-The beans turn out to be magical and grow over night into the sky: Teaching the children that there’s a magical power in this world that defies the power of God ( people look up to the sky when they pray or speak to God)

3- Jack climbs the tree and finds and ogres: The kid is now confused, if God is in the sky , is God the Ogre !

4-Jack steals the pile of Gold from the ogre, his mom is happy because they are not poor anymore! So instead of finding work, and supporting his mother Jack simply steals and they are not poor anymore Hooray! Horay indeed you just taught your kid it’s ok to steal!!

5-Jack and his mom spend all the money so he climbs back and steals the ogre hen which lays golden eggs!! You’re child has now learned that if he steals he won’t be punished! Instead he could go back to more stealing! And hey why study or work for a better future there’s a hen that lay’s golden eggs waiting for him out there to find it or steal it!

6-Again Jack climbs back and steals the ogre’s singing piano but this time the ogre chases him down the beans, Where Jack cuts down the bean, hence killing the ogre, and he and his mom live happily ever after!! So let’s see what we have learned in this final paragraph: Again no one will put you in jail for stealing, on the contrary mom will be happy and while you’re at it it’s ok to kill!! Jack killed the ogre after stealing from him so killing is not so bad! And you know what if you steal and kill you’ll live happily ever after!!

So when you’re innocently helping your child to sleep by telling him “Jack and the beans”you’re actually manipulating your child’s way of thinking and teaching him to:

-To be disrespectful, Not hear what you say, not listen to your advice and follow his own will and in this case the will of a stranger!

-There’s no need to study or work in this life because it’s OK to steal from other people!

-A thief is not punished by law or rejected by society or even yelled at by his own family, Instead he’s free to steal again and again whenever he wants! and there are magical beans somewhere which will solve his problems1

– It’s OK to kill!

The same goes for other bed time stories which are very popular among children and adults sometimes, such as “Aladen and the magic lamp”, “Snow White”, “Cinderella” etc. I bet if you take the time to consider these stories and the moral lessons behind them, you’ll feel guilty for having told your children these stories.

Look behind the lines! Look for the moral lessons behind these stories which are corrupting our youngsters minds! Every night, millions of parents world wide tell their children these stories, and even repeat them for days.

And you wonder  why this generation is mostly corrupted! Why Kindness is Lacking! How do you expect from a child learning that its OK to hurt and harm and steal and kill to be kind! How do you expect from a  whole generation learning these awful acts to grow into loving , caring people who help others!!!

Danger Alert! Save your children, save their future! Next time you’re in the bookshop buying your child a happy ever after fairy tale , Don’t!!!  Life is not happily ever after, life is about the choices we make everyday! And your child needs to learn that there are consequences for bad behavior, and that there’s honesty and love and kindness and that in the future he needs to work hard to achieve his goals and earn a living.

So instead of buying brain damaging, antisocial materials to your kids, be creative! Tell the stories about their ancestors, about how they should respect eldrely people, how theifs get punished, and teach them about God, the merciful, the kind….If you’re not feeling inspired, please take a look at my series”Teach the children”you’ll find some of the stories in the short stories category and in the Christmas stories category and I will be posting more stories soon.

Some inspiring verses from the bible about teaching the children:

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
(2 Timothy 3:14-15 Holy Bible ESV)

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
(Proverbs 22:6 ESV)

for more inspiring verses about children in the bible !please visit http://ministry-to-children.com/bible-verses-about-children/

 

Happy in the heart of Jesus (3) “The pure in heart”!

Jesus Says :”Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God” Matthew 5:8

Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.

BIBLE, Titus 1:15

When I was just a kid, I was very attached to my late grandmother. I used to cry until my parents agree to let me sleep over at her place. During the rainy winter nights, my grandma would let me share her bed, and she would brush my hair with her thin, delicate fingers and tell me stories from the ancient past! I used to fall asleep between her arms forgetting my fear from the storm outside! My Grandma passes away four years ago, may God have mercy on her soul. I’m a grown woman now, a wife and a mother, but I have to admit I’m still afraid of storms, especially during the night! Whenever there’s a storm outside I would curl up in bed and approach my husband who knows my fear, he puts his arms around me and kisses my forehead and keeps hugging me until I fall asleep! Tonight Its a fearful storm outside, the wind is blowing violently, and my husband is working late.

  A phone conversation with an old friend lead to a debate, she insisted that a person should experience all things in life whether good or bad before he makes up his mind of what works for him! I, on the other hand, stressed on the experiences that others had before us, and how they tried to pass on their wisdom to us so that we  avoid falling into the trap of bad experiences! The conversation seemed endless, but we finally agreed to disagree! After I hang up with her, I made myself a warm cup of tea and sat by the side of the fireplace, I was now debating myself whether my opinion was right or wrong! The mood of the warm fire beside me, and the rain falling outside my window reminded me of my grandma, and of a story she used to tell me:

   Long long ago, in a far away land lived a wise king. The king was very much-loved by the people because he was fair, nice and generous. His kingdom was known for being peaceful and wealthy, and the king was known to be a man of God. He was very religious and ruled his kingdom according to the laws of the Lord. The king’s wife passed away after giving birth to a twin boys “Omar” and “Salim”, the king raised his boys to be strong men, and he loved them equally. It was hard for the king and everyone who knew  “Omar”and “Salim” to tell them from each other since they were identical twins! They even used to play tricks on their old man because of their similar appearance. But the king knew that no matter how alike his sons’ looked from the outside, their hearts and their loyalty to laws of God will not be the same.

The king was growing old, and weak and he needed to choose one of his two sons to be the next king. It was a hard choice to make knowing that the two men have shown nothing but courage and good behavior for the past twenty years. The old king had to make sure that the son he chooses to run the kingdom, has to be a man of God, that was the only way that he would treat the people fairly and save them from misery and poverty.

One day the king called his two sons into his chamber, he said: My two sons, you have grown to be brave young men and its time for you to start participating in ruling and protecting your kingdom. I have heard of a strong Empire in the far east, called China. This Empire is known for its strength, and wealth. I’m sending you to China to learn their ways, live among the people and try to figure out the reasons that this Empire is one of the greatest in the world. Maybe we can benefit from its experience and help make our kingdom stronger and better. You’ll be provided with a three-month expenses, and you’ll be leaving tonight. Remember, when you reach China you are no longer the sons of a great king you’ll be the sons of life!

“Omar” and “Salim”started their trip on that same night, and after three months they returned to the kingdom to find their beloved father on the deathbed. Everyone in the kingdom was sad, they loved their king so much, and they were afraid that his sons won’t be as fair and just as him.

The two young men waited outside the king’s chamber as he was informed by their return. The king called his son “Omar” first.

– Come “Omar” sit by my side, I’m a dying man I can’t see or hear very well.

-” Yes Father!” Omar said sadly.

-Tell me of your journey my son. What do you think about China? Why is this Empire so strong?

-But father, this isn’t the time for stories!

-Come on son, you were my eyes in that far land, show your dying father what he has failed to see!

-” Very well father!”Said Omar with a broken voice, “China is a land of love, work and religion. Everybody there live to work and pray, they all love each other and share good things. They treated me as if I’m one of them, opened their homes and hosted me. I think that were this Empire’s strength comes from. Their strong belief in God and his laws give them strength.

-Very well “Omar”I have heard what you think, now I need to see through the eyes of “Salim”, send your brother in please!

“Salim” went into his father’s chamber, as “Omar”waited outside worrying about his father’s health.

– Come “Salim” sit by my side, I’m  a dying man I can’t see or hear very well.

-“Bless you father” Salim replied sadly.

-Tell me of your journey to China my son, did you find out why this empire is so strong?

– This Empire is guarded by the devil father!

-Why do you say that “Salim”?

-People in China, are bad, they spent their time in hurting others, stealing and killing! Prostitution is everywhere! They make a living by invading helpless villagers, raping their women and killing the children. No one dares to attack such an evil empire, that’s why it’s so strong!!

– “very well Salim” the wise king replied, “I have seen China through your eyes indeed but now I need to rest for a while, I’m tired and weak!”

-“Bless you father!”Salim said as he kissed his father’s hand and left his room.

Two days later, the king called for his sons. As the two brothers entered their father’s chamber they were surprised by the huge crowd of ministers and consultants in the room, usually their father talks to them in private!

-Come now my sons, I’m too weak to tell the difference between you. “Omar come and sit to my right. “Salim” come and sit to my left. As you know my boys, I’m dying and I need to think about my kingdom and who will rule it after I’m gone. One of you is going to be the next king, usually the kingdom is ruled by the elder son, but since you’re twins I had to make a choice! You’re trip to China was a test for both of you, to see who is worthy of ruling this kingdom and serving the people.

“My sons, he who is pure see’s everything pure because his pure spirit leads him to be where the good exists! Omar, you have a pure spirit that’s why you went to good places in China, were love exists and people are kind and religious! Salim, Alas my son, it breaks my heart that you have chosen the wrong path away from God! Your soul is not pure, it lead you to the places where the devil lives, you have seen only the wickedness in Man because that’s where your soul chose to be! “

And I remember every time my grandma reaches this part of the story, she would look into my eyes and ask me: Who do you think the king chose between his two sons to rule the kingdom?

– “Omar” I would answer.

And why he chose Omar?

-“Because he’s good! ” I’d reply so innocently !

and My grandma would smile and say : “Yes! Because: “ Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.”

Now I’m smiling! I finish my tea and wash my cup and dry  it, the debate within me came an end, I know I’m right! We don’t have to try bad things to know that it’s bad for us. God has taught us what is right and what is wrong and gave us the enough intelligence to distinguish between them, but making that choice is eventually up to us.

Help! I Think My Brain Is Leaking!!!

I’m totally technology proof! I’m always out of date when it comes to anything having to do with technology. I always catch up late, if ever! And you know all these technological terms that people nowadays use, I don’t understand the majority of it! Talk to me about poetry, and I will love you. About history, and I can go on for hours listing the history of most well-known nations, wars, epidemics… Arts, philosophy, psychology, you name it and I have the needed information. But not technology! That word is so heavy on my ears!

Whenever someone discusses anything related to this subject I feel like the lazy kid who sits in the back of the class, half asleep, with no idea of what the teacher is talking about, praying that she doesn’t ask him any questions!

To make things even worst, my husband is an electron mechanical engineer with a passion for technology! While I surf the net for poetry, literature and philosophy, he surfs it for the latest upgrades, inventions, computer programs! When he manages to download a rare application he’s as happy as a child on a Christmas morning! Some days, he would come home, excited to show me the latest technology he downloaded into his N8( this phone is his spoiled baby boy!) and I start nodding, and saying :” hmm! Wow! “you know like someone who gets it, but in fact I’m not even there! I’d be thinking about my baby’s diaper, or what to have for dinner! And then the deadly questions are asked:

-Do you like it( off course I nod in approval to God knows what!)

-Isn’t it something (I know) ,

-Do you know its a break through in the history of mobile phones ( yes, I know),

-What was I talking about (I don’t know!)

Yesterday I made him a nice dinner, gave him a neck massage, and then after I made sure his tummy is filled and his nerves are relaxed, I asked for a new laptop.

“Sure” he said.”what kind of laptops would you like

I was about to say “the kind that has a screen, a keyboard and can get me online faster than this old thing I have now” but I knew I’ll just sound stupid!

“You’re the expert, which do you recommend”

And all I remember after my question, was hearing all sort of names, types, features which I understand nothing about! I even thought “why did I have to ask! My laptop is just fine! sure its 4 years old, and very slow, but it’s just fine!

What Is wrong with my brain! why can’t I comprehend anything related to this subject! When my husband tells me that my computer has a virus, I feel sad as if its sick and I wish I could make it a warm cup of tea and give it two tablets of Panadol, maybe it will feel better! but then I remember it’s a machine that we’re talking about!

Another embarrassing thing about me, is that I have the memory of a fish!!! ( you know fish’s memory is wiped out every 5 seconds) especially when it comes to the names of pharmaceutical drugs! before our monthly visit to my daughter’s doctor I memorize the names of the drugs I’m giving her just like a student getting ready to take a difficult exam! But once that red hair man asks me: what did you give her for her ear’s infection, or for her tummy pain I black out ! “ehhhhhhh, ehhhhhhhhhh, ehhhh I squeeze my brain, but I can’t remember! I give my husband that desperate look that says : Help! and my hero runs to the rescue. Thanks God he has a good memory!

I’m starting to think I have a brain leak !

The positive side of this matter is that I don’t remember fighting with people! I would have had a dreadful fight with someone and two days later I greet them and talk to them as if nothing has  happened. At first people used to be surprised, but now they know me well, and it’s something they like about me (especially my mother in law!)

Baby Blues Attack!

I’ve been having the feeling that something is just not right about my life lately!

Two days ago, after I finished my shower, I was drying my hair in front of the mirror, when I saw a pair of scissors on the shelf next to me and the craziest idea popped into my mind! I grabbed the scissors and started chopping my long, beautiful, just recently highlighted hair!

After I was done, reality punched its cruel fist at me! What have I done! I knew I was going through one of my famous blackout moments! Cutting my hair was my way of dealing with blues, the hardest types of blues, since I was 17 years old! Every two or 3 years, I get this insane feeling, the need, the urge, to cut my lovely hair! and I start growing it all over again!

I had to sit down for a while, sipping a cup of dark coffee and writing down a list of my life’s recent highlights, some sort of reality check!

1- My marriage: a very happy marriage, so this is not the reason.

2-My home: one of those dream houses, again not the reason.

3- Our family: all are very supportive, and caring.No not it.

4-My health: very well, thanks God!

5- My dreams: most of them came true, the others are on their way!

6-My daughter: An angel! I can’t imagine someone who loves her baby more than me! But since she was born, I haven’t been able to get anything accomplished! It seems as if my life is rotating around this tiny creature! I haven’t had any “ME” time, and If I go out with my husband and leave her with someone, I feel heart-broken as if I have done a terrible act of selfishness and I’m not worthy of being a mother! When she cries and I don’t succeed in comforting her “which happens sometimes”  My tears start dropping like the Niagara Falls!

So that’s it! It’s the Evil effect of that horrible baby blues ! And one would think that after 3 months of delivery this won’t happen! After I gave birth to Anna, I was glad not to have the pleasure of getting face to face with the famous baby blues that everyone talks about! but, here it is! a delayed unhappy surprise! And my poor hair paid the price! Why new moms get the baby blues any way?  Google once again offered me the answer: “Having a baby is stressful—no matter how much you’ve looked forward to it or how much you love your child. Considering the sleep deprivation, new responsibilities, and lack of time for yourself, it’s no surprise that a lot of new moms feel like they’re on an emotional roller coaster. ” (http://helpguide.org/)

It’s funny how good it felt after I cut my hair!  Yes its true I made a mess and I needed to get myself to the nearest hairstylist  to clean it up!  ” Once you know that I’m a Gemini you’ll not encounter this behavior as weird”. I know it’s just a phase that will fade away, because I’m a healthy young woman with a supportive husband and a loving family, and because I thank God everyday for the blessing of being a mother and having a wonderful baby girl like Anna. Babies grow up in a blink! I remember I used to hear my grandma tell my mom”Be patient, one day you’ll close your eyes and when you open them you’ll notice they have grown! ” My grandma had Ten children, My mom had four, and I’m struggling with this little angle! God bless the previous generations, we are a generation of spoiled mothers I tell you! We women know that, but we keep it a secret from our men! shhhh…

I was caught by surprise when my husband suddenly opened the front door! “Someone give me a hat!!!!! ” I thought to myself! He stood in the entrance staring on what used to be an amazing long hair, and which looks now like a piece of agricultural land which has been harvest in the driest day of the season!

Later that night, I was sipping wine and eating chestnuts by our fire-place with the great man I married, enjoying my new, improved hair cut “After my stylist saved my life off course! Thank you Makram!”

Happy In The Heart Of Jesus(2) “The Joy Of Forgiveness”

In Matthew 6:14-15 Jesus says, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

It was a sunny morning, some how warmer than the day before. Little Angelina opened her eyes, and looked outside the window. She was happy to see that the wind has stopped blowing violently, and that yesterday’s storm left in defeat leaving behind the most incredible crust of white snow. She got dressed in a hurry, full with excitement, remembering her Mom‘s promise “If it snows this year , I will buy you the lovely pink skate board you’ve always wanted!

She ran downstairs, the smell of morning coffee coming out of the kitchen informed her that her dad is awake. “Good morning Angy, did you look outside this morning”

“Yes! There’s snow everywhere!”She replied in excitement.”And Mama promised to buy me the pink skate board I wanted if it snows!”I’m gonna wake her up right now!”

Angy soon woke her mother up, demanding her of the gift she has promised!

An hour later, Angy went to town with her mom. They were entering the ski equipment store when they met Mrs. Davis.

Mrs. Davis was their neighbor, a seventy year old woman, with grey hair and yellow teeth. Angy never liked Mrs. Davis, she always refused to say hello when Mrs. Davis visit them, she thought to herself “She’s old and ugly and has really bad smell!” But her mother insists that she has to be kind to old people, and be polite no matter what. She remembers that her mom, delivers a warm dish to Mrs. Davis house every time she cooks a nice meal. Angy asked her once why she does that and her mom said ” I feel delighted when I share a meal with our neighbors, especially Mrs. Davis because she’s living alone and sometimes she gets sick and can not cook, so she calls me and I drop by her house with a warm meal and help her with some chores. You should come with me next time you’ll enjoy it! “But Angy never understood how cooking for a stranger and clean their house could be fun!

Mrs. Davis wasn’t alone at the store, along was her friend Mrs. Springfield. “My best friend since we were thirty years old” said Mrs. Davis introducing her friend to Angy’s mom!

“”It’s an honor” her mom said smiling at the two old ladies.

Inside the store Angy and her mom were busy looking for the right skate board, Angy wondered away from where her mother was standing, into a row of colorful ski shoes. From the shelf behind her, she could hear two old ladies gossip “Yes, that’s right! Whenever I don’t feel like cooking, or whenever I want to save some money on food or I want to get my house clean, I call her!

But why does she do all that for you!

“I pretend to be sick, and she thinks she’s helping an old helpless woman! She doesn’t know I’m in better health than her!

Her friend giggles in sarcasm, but was surprised to see Angy’ head  popping out from behind the shelve and looking shocked! she nods at Mrs. Davis to look, and both of them blush in embarrassment! Mrs. Davis was sure that Angy was going to tell her mom of what she’s heard!

And Angy did tell her mom, she was so angry, so furious as she was explaining to her mom the details of what has happened. Her mother listened silently. When Angy finished talking, she was expecting to see her mother mad, and that she would call Mrs. Davis and tell her she knows all about her evil plans. Instead, her mom smiled at her, and asked”So, wouldn’t you like to try your lovely skate board before the snow melts down!

Angy didn’t understand her mother’s reaction “But mom!”

“come on, go outside and play before it gets dark!

The next morning, Angy’s mom woke her up at eight A.M “Come on Angy, you’re coming with me today!”

“Where”Angy asked while rubbing her sleepy eyes.

“You’ll see, now get dressed baby”her mother replied as she left the room and walked down stairs.

Her mom held her hand, and in the other hand she was holding a plastic bag. They walked for two blocks and then crossed the street towards and old wooden house. Angy was wondering where was her mom taking her in this early morning!

Her mother rang the bell, and they stood waiting for someone to answer the door. The door soon opened, and to Angy’s big surprise it was Mrs. Davis at the door! “Maybe my mom came here to ask her why she said what she said, or maybe she’s here to tell her that she’s not doing her anymore favors!”Angy thought to herself.

“Goodmorning Mrs. Davis, how are you this morning” The mother said with a smile.

“Fine thank you”Mrs. Davis replied, looking confused “please come in”She invited them.

Inside, Angy sat by mother’s side on an old grey sofa. “Everything in this house is very old, even the sofa’s”She thought.

“I brought you some steak with boiled vegetables and a mushroom soup! I hope you’ll like them!”Angy and Mrs. Davis both looked at her in suprise “what’s my mom thinking” Angy asked herself.

“I’m sure her daughter told her, why is she still so nice!”Mrs. Davis thought silently.

“Angy”, Mrs. Davis said” loulou my puppy is feeling lonely in the kitchen, can you play with her while I talk to your mother

Angy looked at her mother, who nodded in approval.

In the kitchen, Angy didn’t play with loulou, instead she stood behind the door, listening to the conversation which was taking place in the next room.

She heard Mrs. Davis apologize for her rude behavior, and confess that she was pretending to be sick to get warm meals, and a clean house. She said she was sorry, and she feels very ashamed, and regrets it. and asked for forgiveness.

Her mother’s answer was “If any one forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile.”Angy told me what happened and I’m not here to accuse you, I’m here to help you as I have always did, whether you’re sick or not.”

She could hear Mrs. Davis voice change, now it’s filled with regret and sadness “Will you forgive me dear”she asked “I’m terribly sorry”.

“I know you are, that’s why I want you to forget what happened. and let’s carry on the way we were before, but at least now I don’t have to worry about you being ill, it’s comforting to know that you’re in a good health.

On their way back, Angy was unusually quite.”What’s wrong Angy”her Mother asked.

In hesitation she answered”I don’t understand mama

“You don’t understand what baby

How can you forgive someone who was talking behind you back, and was using you and lying to you

Her mother smiled down at her” but Any, we’re human too and we have our share of mistakes and wrong doings, God will show us the same mercy we show to others! If we forgive those who hurt us, God will forgive us as well. That ‘what our lord Jesus taught us!

“But why do you seem so happy and calm, although she did all those bad things!

It’s the joy of forgiveness honey, when you forgive someone you feel happy and proud, you’ll be truly happy in the heart of Jesus!.

God is mercy, think about all the times you prayed in regret and asked that your sins be forgiven. And  How peaceful and happy you feel after praying. This month, try to be merciful as your heavenly father, try to clear your heart from grudges and forgive, believe me its you who’s winning every time you forgive, because a sin is being deleted from your page in heaven at that very moment. That’s one way to be Happy in the Heart Of Jesus!

Rana Armoush

Pictures displayed on this blog are taken from Google, and  or from different sites. The writer of this blog, doesn’t claim any copyrights of the above pictures.