Guilt!

Last week my baby girl fell down and bumped her head, while I was doing some chores around the house. She started crying, and I immediately rushed to pick her up. The moment I held her she stopped crying and cuddled me!

Knowing how serious and dangerous a head injury or concussion might be, I called her doctor. He asked whether she was vomiting or seemed to be sleepy or tired. Thank God she wasn’t! She was playing with her toy and giggling. He told me there was nothing to worry about , but I better keep a close eye for any of these symptoms for the next 24 hours.

That night I wasn’t able to sleep, I kept cuddling Anna and crying. I felt so guilty, for leaving her on her chair to do my chores. I had her sleep by my side and kept checking her breath all night! I even woke her several times just to make sure she’s ok. Since then, my guilt has been pursuing me, I don’t want to leave her at any moment of her awaking time! I only work around the house when she’s sleeping, which isn’t enough because she only takes little cat naps. And I wasn’t able to write any new posts, up until now.

I know that the guilt I felt was normal, and thank god my baby is fine. Her pedia told me that it’s always worst on the parents then it is on the baby ( psychologically speaking). But It was a good wake up call: I’m always worried about cleaning the house, cooking, inviting friends over, making sure people sees me, my house , my marriage ,my baby as ideal as possible. Now I know all these fake appearances don’t matter, what really counts is my baby’s health. What really matters is being there for her, even if I spend my whole day doing nothing but cuddling her and playing with her. Time passes so quickly, she’s already five months old and Soon I’ll be driving her to her first day of school without realizing how time went by. I don’t want to miss any moment of her growth.

How about you? do you have a similar story about your baby?

Or have you ever felt guilty about being distracted from a loved one when he needed you? I would love to hear from you, maybe my guilt will grow smaller…

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A random thought…

Everyday your ship drifts further,

away from my shores and into the wide open sea

I’m afraid, that one day you’ll decide to come back home,

but you won’t find me there…

Dear Diary, I love him to be…

Dear Diary,

Every day, I write him over your pages

and later,  I erase him!

I remember the day I was born from his breath,

the day our souls united

then, I write him  again …

And I love him even though he doesn’t have a clear identity in my life

even though there’s no map to his existence

nor a Specific description of how he spreads his soul over the zones of my being

I love him! but,Words are no longer able to deliver  meanings..

I love him without the illusions of fairy tales,

Without logic

even Without madness !!

I love him, just so we can be

I love him just so we can be

To be

And I remember the day I sipped him with my wine into my blood

and became addicted to his scent.

Dear diary,

blame not, my foolish fever of love,

since I know he loves me.

even though I’m a woman of contradictions,

a hundred person dressed as one

he loves me still

Without insanity, without delirium

he Loves me just so we can be

And I love him to be …

Oh diary, my trust worthy friend…

hear my secret and pass it to none

The day I met him,

I disobeyed  all the traditions of my tribe

And neglected all the advises of the elderly

I erased every word written in my past

and I spread out my hand to his,

turned my back and walked away from my village..

Now I’m confused diary,

a woman rejected by her past,

scared of her future,

a woman with nothing in her pockets, but a moment in present

Shall I fight for a love that might never be,

Shall I go back to what once was,

or shall I continue living in a dream

and just love him, so we can be…

The ABC Award and the Spirit of Love :)

Hey Guys,

So, it’s the month of love! February, oh what an incredibly polite guest! 29 days old, with a lot of sunny mornings, and the best of all it’s the month of shopping here in Lebanon! And I’m not gonna lie I’m becoming a bit shopaholic this Feb!!!

In this wonderful month of love, I received two lovely gifts from two fellow bloggers who I admire very much. Their gifts have been such a nice surprise 🙂 The ABC award:)

So A big thank you goes to :

-Parry the author of Slice Of Life, Love you Parry you’re such a sweet heart, I love all the awards you have passed on to me!

– Sun shine the author of Simply Charming, one of my new favorite blogs 🙂 Her posts are really simply charming 🙂

Here are the rules for this award:

1. Thank the person who nominated you. Again thank you Parry & Sunshine

 

2. There are no limits for how many fellow bloggers you can nominate.
So, I would like to nominate the following bloggers:

– Rasha the author of Leanova designs ( a very talented graphic designer on a journey or rediscovering her passion for graphic design)

– Eric the author of Written Words Never Die ( I love reading his posts, he is one kind soul , I’m always inspired to doing good or feeling better when I read his blog, please visit his blog and be inspired:)

Real-Life Housewife ( a wife and mother, talking about her life and issues that inspire her and captures her attention,a  very interesting blog to read, especially if you’re a wife and mother)

– Amrine the author of amrine ( a very talented young poet, i love her poetry and the way she displays her free spirit and rebellious ideas).

3. Share some things about you but alphabetically just a word or two about you starting with each alphabet. (Or alternatively, just write the first word you think of)

A:  Anna-Elisabeth, my baby girl.

B :Beam of hope.

C: Careful

D: Daily prayer

E: Ever lasting love

F: Forgive

G: Grateful

H: Helpful

I: Intelligent

J: Jockey of all trades

K: Kind

L: Loving

M: Mother

N: Nobel

O: oriented

P: Patriotic

Q: queen, in my husband’s heart

R: Religious

S:serious and silly at the same time

T: traveler

U: Unique

V: vital

W: wife

X: XXL heart, which loves you all 🙂

Y: young

Z: zero grudges

And Last but no least, Happy Valentine everyone. Remember you don’t have to wait till the 14th of February to celebrate love. Celebrate love everyday!  Love for God, love for your family, love for your children, Love for your soul mate and  love for mankind every where.

Passion

O people of this village

Do not think that I came here

to sell the remains of love

sticking to the tail of my dress …

open not your mouth, in shock

Hide not the eyes of your children

If their eyes explored the details of my aching body.

the brown wheat in your fields

is addicted to my perfume

and the flames of your burning summer

awakens the lust for life

that sleeps in my veins

I’m the widow of injustice

walking your streets,

Wearing the thirst of years

and years of sadness

I come in peace

to revive in you

What once lived in you

What now dies in you

The “Passion for life.”

Dancing On The Shore Of Illusion!

Dance with me…

On the shores of this amazing illusion,

pull me closer to you

whisper to me,

that you love me…

teach me all the required steps

to master this dance

I want to give my best performance tonight…

Help me to learn the melody

of those yellow leaves scattered under our feet…

to enjoy the tenderness of the sand…

Dance with me…

Help me to break free,

Save me

from the bloody wire of thorns they wrapped around my waist

I’m the soft breath of early summer in my land

A butterfly,

who feels so weak, I have been captured by hand…

they took my voice, my clothes, and burnt down my house

they killed the children in my village

and covered the fields in black

they even threatened the sun,

and the moon was too scared to come out at night

they hushed the mothers , so nobody hears them cry!

But they couldn’t take my pen away,

nor my ability to smile,

they were surprised that I can dance still,

when my feet are wrapped in chains

They didn’t know that injured birds also sing

they sing so lovely even when in pain

they didn’t know that earth will continue its tour

and the sun is waiting to meet us again!

They forgot that God is more powerful than their weapons

and that the will of the poor and sad will one day win

I promised to keep writing and dancing

Even when I’m dancing in pain

So, Dance with me tonight!

Let your words be my music

and your voice, a rhythm

Teach me to dance, teach me..

bring me closer to your breath,

And only then, step back and leave me

Never lay a kiss on my virgin lips

never set a sigh

never crave a sensitive touch,

my perfume

or a look

from my sad eyes,

All I want for tonight

Is a moment of transparency

maybe tomorrow we won’t be here

and you

and me

we’ll be, two travelers

searching for their country

for a home, to their never-ceasing nostalgia,

two strangers,

Who once met, and danced for a brief,

in sad harmony

on the shores of an illusion..

It’s Time To Share This: Lord Jesus and Mother Mary in my dreams

I have been holding back on sharing some dreams I had during my pregnancy about Lord Jesus and Mother Mary, the reason I was not sharing these dreams is that I was afraid to be misunderstood.

As some of you know by now, I haven’t been a christian for so long. In fact, I first read the bible one year ago, because I wanted to learn more about the religion of the man I married. And reading the bible was the best thing that has ever happened in my life! I found love, in Jesus teachings. and in his actions I found peace, justice, forgiveness and light. I found a lamp so peaceful, that even as they crucified him he was praying for them!

One day, on our honeymoon, my husband accompanied me to Saint Charble’s Church.Knowing that I wanted a baby so desperately he asked me to pray and ask that the Lord blesses me with a child. And I did! I prayed with all my heart and soul that day. And that’s how my story with these holly dreams began ( If not to anyone else, these dreams are holly to me)

First dream: Anna-Elisabeth!

A few days after returning from praying in Saint Charble’s Church, I found out I was pregnant! Me and my husband were both excited and extremely grateful. I said to him on that evening: I want the name of the child to have the meaning of gratefulness , thankful for the merciful God for this wonderful gift. The only name that popped into my mind was “Grace” if the baby was to be a girl! The next day my husband came home with a printed list of names for babies  from the internet in different languages.I fell asleep while reading the list, and I had my first inspirational dream!

I saw myself in the back seat of our car, my husband driving and the seat beside him was empty! I was wondering why I was in the back seat when he suddenly stopped at a building site. There, stood a young woman with long black hair, wearing the safety hat of engineers. My husband got out of the car, hugged her and brought her back to the car to meet me. She looked exactly like him, but a feminine version! She held her hand out to me and said : I’m Hannah -Elisabeth , It’s nice to meet you. And suddenly the car was driving backwards, with me still in the back seat  feeling afraid, when I saw the hat of an engineer and her engineering manuscripts beside me!

That moment I woke up! I asked my husband ( who happens to be an engineer) If he knew someone named ” Anna- Elisabeth” at work. He said he didn’t even know that those two names go together! He googled the names and the surprise was  “Hannah: The Hebrew name Hannah means – gracious: Bible: the mother of Samuel”

“Elisabeth:Elizabeth or Elisabeth is the Greek translation of the Hebrew name Elisheva, meaning “God’s promise,” “oath of God,” or “I am God’s daughter.” Women in the Bible: Elizabeth, prophetess, cousin of Mary of Nazareth, mother of John the Baptist.

You are free to think that this was a coincidence or a regular dream, but to me it felt like an inspiration.  A few weeks pregnant and I was sure that I was carrying a baby girl, who I will be naming “Anna- Elisabeth”

Second Dream: Mother Mary and Lord Jesus

After learning about my pregnancy, I was feeling very emotional that one evening I suggested to my husband the idea of adopting a child!! My husband was very surprised, and he literary said: You’re going to be a mother soon, and you’ll barely have time for one baby. Why do you want to adopt!!

I felt sad from his response, although now I see how logical and right he was. I prayed for mother Mary before I went to sleep. I prayed to her to guide me, and show me the right path, and to help me decide on what religion I shall raise my baby!

I don’t remember if I had the dream that very night or the next night, but here’s what I saw in my dream:

I Saw mother Mary, wearing blue, and with a white veil on her hair. She didn’t talk to me, she just smiled at me and looked towards where her son “Lord Jesus”was standing! It was an open blue space with clouds, just like the sky. And Jesus was standing beside what seemed to be a fireplace. But there was no fire in that fireplace, instead there were a lot of glass bottles, each with a spirit trapped inside! Jesus was opening the bottles one by one, and setting the spirits free. Whenever a spirit left a bottle it turned into a pigeon and flied away! Right next to Jesus, stood a little boy, dressed in blue as well. He seemed to be instructing Lord Jesus on opening the bottles.

I said to Jesus: Forgive me Lord, but why is this little student instructing you! Shouldn’t you know better than him!

Then I saw Jesus approaching me with a smile and such a heavenly face. He said: sometimes we need to listen to the students, there’s a lot to learn from them!

and then Jesus spread both hands to me, and in the palm of each hand he was carrying a little girl, in the size of a hand! He was giving me the two girls when I woke up!

I was laying in bed, the room was empty, my husband beside me. but then I saw the face of Saint Charble, asking me to sleep on the shape of a cross.

I spread out my two arms , joined my legs and slept on the shape of a cross until morning!

My Third Dream: Mother Mary’s  Message to me

My third dream was during my last trimester of pregnancy. I saw myself with two young women, kneeling inside the door of a large church. We were dressed in clothes of nuns but not black and white! I was wearing brown and white, one of the girls was wearing olive green and white, and the other grey and white! The three of us were wearing large wooden crosses as necklaces and we were on our knees in prayer.The church was filled with people in front of us, dressed in casual clothes, standing up in prayers but with chaos and loud annoying noise! And then I heard mother Mary speak to me and the two women who were kneeling next to me, I didn’t see her, but I knew she was mother Mary. She said:

“Stay awake through your nights and pray, you have to crawl slowly towards the altar as you pray.

Stay awake through your nights and pray, for the end of times is very near!”

And I remember that we crawled to the altar on our knees as we prayed, but it took us a long time, and before reaching the altar, I woke up!

I’m not pretending to having seen a vision, or to being pure, I’m a normal person with my share of sins and bad doings which I’m ashamed of and I’m trying so hard to make up for them through doing the right thing.

But I was blessed and fortunate enough to see these dreams, and to have my baby. And I needed to share the messages in my dreams with you, maybe they will change your life for the better as they changed mine, and maybe Mother Mary and Lord Jesus, wanted me to share these dreams through my writings.

If you are in doubt, I have been in doubt before. If you are a sinner, I have been one before. If you are lost, I was lost for a long time before. But then, I searched for God! And God was everywhere around me! But I was blinded and I couldn’t see. When I took the decision to open my eyes, I was able to witness his Glory!

His Love is endless and God gives it to all of us, but you have to open your heart to be able to receive it. Pray to be guided to the true path and God shall guide you! Pray for forgiveness, and you shall be forgiven because God is merciful. Pray for justice and you shall be granted… For I have seen the darkness and it’s cold and full of hate and loneliness, and prayed to see the light, and God showed me warmth and kindness. God gave me a family when I had none! He gave me a safe home, when I was almost homeless! He gave me love, when I was begging for love! God has been gracious to me, even when I didn’t deserve it. Because God is my merciful father, and he loves all his children equally , open your hearts to his call, to his whispers  and you will be rewarded an ever lasting treasure in his kingdom.
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-24).193

A wonderful, must read post!

Another side of the same Debate I found on Google:

TEACHER: Does cold exist? STUDENT: No sir. Physics – cold is the total and complete opposite of the TEACHER: There is darkness! STUDENT: No sir. Darkness is the total absence of light. You can study light and brightness, but not darkness. Light causes prisms to show color. TEACHER: Did God create evil? STUDENT: No sir, God did not create evil. Evil is the absence of God in people’s hearts. It is the absence of love, humanity and faith. Love and faith are like heat and light. They exist! Their absence led to evil!

 

Worship and Swag

Again I’ve been away for almost a week. This school thing is becoming foreign to me, plus the break was too short! Anyway, I came across this beautiful piece on Facebook for Jesus, a group on Facebook as the name suggests and I think it is really interesting. Read on…

Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

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Missing Kindness (1) Danger Alert! Bed time Stories

“Standing in line at the cashier, with her two kids and a toddler on her arms and holding all the items that she has purchased, she was waiting for her turn. There was only one person in line before her when her baby started crying. As she was trying to calm a baby a woman behind her, asked her in an angry voice whether she was in line! Yes! She said looking at the cashier to find that two lines has formed around her in seconds!!! She was now left out of line, and the cashier told her rudely that she needed to get in line! “That’s what happened with my fellow blogger “M” is for Marriage and Motherhood,! She blogged about it in her post Missing Kindness!, saying: ” This incident made me think that I miss Kindness!… I am feeling sad, upset, and discourage. How come with every passing day there are more and more people caring less and less about simple acts of kindness that make this world so much better.”

“M” shouts out a call for love, for reviving kindness, she asks her readers to join her call for passing on this virtue: “Do you miss Kindness? If so, please, write a post about it and paste the picture on this post to your post. Let’s remember the world how important is to keep this virtue alive, because, indeed, it makes the world a better place! Thank you.

To “M”, with love..

Inspired by your call, I will be writing several posts about why kindness is missing from our world today and how to help it blossom. So here’s part one!

Rana

Do you remember the old days, when people were kind and generous to each others. When everyone went to sleep with their doors opened and kept their car keys in the cars! When young men and women rushed to help the elderly cross the streets, or carried their groceries home ! When women took turn to help their neighbor who has just given birth.When cursing and saying bad words was as awful as a committing a crime! I bet a lot of few wish today was as good as yesterday, and that kindness blossoms again in the hearts . But why wish! Take action now:

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Look around you, there’s almost  a whole generation of people who are not kind, don’t take part of kindness activities for the benefit of the society or even worst: they think kindness is a sign of weakness. and when I say “almost”, it’s because there are still people in this world with good hearts and pure souls trying to help.

  It All Begins With The Children

Children are said to be sponges, at a very young age they start absorbing every little information coming their way!

A small but very serious example is the bed time stories we tell our children before they go to sleep, you know sleep the time when their eyes are closed and their little brains are analyzing in the subconscious every part of the story they just heard, turning it into facts which soon will shape their personality!!!

Let’s take the innocent story of Jack and the Beans for instant:

1-Mother tells Jack to sell the cow to get money, Jack triads the cow for magic beans instead!!: Hence Jack didn’t hear for his mom, and didn’t respect her words!

2-The beans turn out to be magical and grow over night into the sky: Teaching the children that there’s a magical power in this world that defies the power of God ( people look up to the sky when they pray or speak to God)

3- Jack climbs the tree and finds and ogres: The kid is now confused, if God is in the sky , is God the Ogre !

4-Jack steals the pile of Gold from the ogre, his mom is happy because they are not poor anymore! So instead of finding work, and supporting his mother Jack simply steals and they are not poor anymore Hooray! Horay indeed you just taught your kid it’s ok to steal!!

5-Jack and his mom spend all the money so he climbs back and steals the ogre hen which lays golden eggs!! You’re child has now learned that if he steals he won’t be punished! Instead he could go back to more stealing! And hey why study or work for a better future there’s a hen that lay’s golden eggs waiting for him out there to find it or steal it!

6-Again Jack climbs back and steals the ogre’s singing piano but this time the ogre chases him down the beans, Where Jack cuts down the bean, hence killing the ogre, and he and his mom live happily ever after!! So let’s see what we have learned in this final paragraph: Again no one will put you in jail for stealing, on the contrary mom will be happy and while you’re at it it’s ok to kill!! Jack killed the ogre after stealing from him so killing is not so bad! And you know what if you steal and kill you’ll live happily ever after!!

So when you’re innocently helping your child to sleep by telling him “Jack and the beans”you’re actually manipulating your child’s way of thinking and teaching him to:

-To be disrespectful, Not hear what you say, not listen to your advice and follow his own will and in this case the will of a stranger!

-There’s no need to study or work in this life because it’s OK to steal from other people!

-A thief is not punished by law or rejected by society or even yelled at by his own family, Instead he’s free to steal again and again whenever he wants! and there are magical beans somewhere which will solve his problems1

– It’s OK to kill!

The same goes for other bed time stories which are very popular among children and adults sometimes, such as “Aladen and the magic lamp”, “Snow White”, “Cinderella” etc. I bet if you take the time to consider these stories and the moral lessons behind them, you’ll feel guilty for having told your children these stories.

Look behind the lines! Look for the moral lessons behind these stories which are corrupting our youngsters minds! Every night, millions of parents world wide tell their children these stories, and even repeat them for days.

And you wonder  why this generation is mostly corrupted! Why Kindness is Lacking! How do you expect from a child learning that its OK to hurt and harm and steal and kill to be kind! How do you expect from a  whole generation learning these awful acts to grow into loving , caring people who help others!!!

Danger Alert! Save your children, save their future! Next time you’re in the bookshop buying your child a happy ever after fairy tale , Don’t!!!  Life is not happily ever after, life is about the choices we make everyday! And your child needs to learn that there are consequences for bad behavior, and that there’s honesty and love and kindness and that in the future he needs to work hard to achieve his goals and earn a living.

So instead of buying brain damaging, antisocial materials to your kids, be creative! Tell the stories about their ancestors, about how they should respect eldrely people, how theifs get punished, and teach them about God, the merciful, the kind….If you’re not feeling inspired, please take a look at my series”Teach the children”you’ll find some of the stories in the short stories category and in the Christmas stories category and I will be posting more stories soon.

Some inspiring verses from the bible about teaching the children:

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
(2 Timothy 3:14-15 Holy Bible ESV)

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
(Proverbs 22:6 ESV)

for more inspiring verses about children in the bible !please visit http://ministry-to-children.com/bible-verses-about-children/