Beirut, cries tears of blood Today!

Tears of blood! The blood of the innocent 8 dead victims( so far) and over 100 of those injured from a bomb explosion in Achrafeih -Beirut in Lebanon. My sadness is larger than my words, I only want to weep my Beirut and pray for tonight…

 

Look who’s talking too!

Image

Anna has been growing up so fast, exploring the world around her everyday! She’s now nine months old, and has thoughts and opinions about stuff. Here are some of her baby adventures through her day to day life, so look at her talk too!

Anna- talks © Rana Armoush 2012

Hello there! I just had two bottles of milk, and now for dessert I’m chewing on my foot 🙂 hehehe

Anna-talks© Rana Armoush 2012

YEH!!!! I didn’t see you dada you surprised me!

Anna-talks© Rana Armoush 2012

VIVA Mexico 🙂 viva la Fiestaaaaaaaaaaaa

Anna-talks© Rana Armoush 2012

                           I wonder if this hat is eatable… hmmm

Anna-talks© Rana Armoush 2012

Well, I’ll give it a chew and see..Nop, I don’t recommend eating your hats people, but you can chew on it to rub your tiny teeth though 🙂

Anna-talks© Rana Armoush 2012

Dada stop licking me and look at the cam , they’re taking our photo!

Anna-talks© Rana Armoush 2012

Open your eyes , you always close your eyes in photos!

Anna

  • Mama wanted to take a photo for us with the trees, she said when I grow up probably there won’t be any trees left! And this photo will be a good memory of what trees look like!!!

Anna-talks© Rana Armoush 2012

yeah so now he’s eating my ear, he’s been trying to do that since I was born, and he’s not convinced yet it’s not FOOD!

Dada where have you been, you missed a really yummy breakfast!

Hey what you Laughing about ? hehe! Dada why you Laughing?

                                        Who’s got yogurt whiskers?

ME?!!!!!!!!!!!! MAMA why you didn’t tell me I had yogurt whiskers? This man is making fun of me! And you call your self a father! Shame on you.
 Wash it out mama, wash the yogurt out!! hurry before dada takes another embarrassing photo!
Hey grandma, do you want some cucumber? it’s good for you, and you can chew on it to rub your growing teeth 😀

An Amazing Father!

 

To all the Father’s out there, Happy Father’s day!
To all the hard working, loving, caring and providing men in our lives, thank you!
To all the women striving to fill their absent men shoes, happy father’s day! You deserve it to!
But my words today are dedicated to a wonderful man, a father I’ve witnessed coming to life.
To a wonderful Father,
To you my husband,

Baby,
Let me tell about your daddy,
Listen carefully as I brush your hair…
He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met
For the bitter and the sweet, he has always been there!
The moment you were conceived my girl
You were made from a mixture of love and care
Every step of the way your daddy loved us
He waited for your arrival impatiently, I swear
And finally you were here, after your difficult flight
He held your tiny body and kissed your little hands
With all the tenderness he could share
He was there for your first diaper change
For your first milk bottle and for your first bath
For your first smile, giggle, and when you sat on that little chair
Your father my child
Is the most amazing Man,
When you grow up,
And they ask you for your full name
Be proud to wear these letters
The few letters of his name
Be proud to say that you’ve been brought up
By a father who truly cares.
And because I love you
I honestly pray
That one day, you’ll meet a man who has your father’s traits
Only then I’ll be sure you’re going to be happy
With a love that lasts forever something much more than the usual human affair.

A Letter to My Baby Girl!

Dear Anna,

This is the first letter I write to you after your birth, and I’m very excited to tell you all the news that’s been happening in our lives lately. First let me start by telling you how much I’ve grown in love with you in these past eight months! From the moment I kissed your little hand in the hospital until this moment as you sit on the carpet playing with your toys and biting anything you could get your hands on! And I promise to keep loving you until the day I close my eyes and fall into my eternal sleep.

Baby girl, day by day, you’re teaching me how to be a mother, and a better human being. You’re eight months and two weeks old already, and every second of these eight months was an adventure. But there are certain moments that keep spinning through my mind every time I talk about you, I call these moments the peek memories. The first time I laid eyes on you when the doctor held you up after your delivery, and you were so blue and crying out so loud that your voice filled the operation room! That moment I was praying and crying and laughing at the same time!!! I was lost in that moment and all I wanted was to cuddle you and kiss you!

My second peek memory, was when we had a visit from some relatives who you’ve not seen before! When one of them tried to hold you up, you started crying and looked at me scared, and you tried to jump from the Lady‘s arms to mine!! I took you into my arms and for the first time I felt like a real mother, you were asking me to protect you  and I was there for you, and forever I ‘ll be there for you.

My third peek moment was the day you rolled over!! I was getting worried that you’re late to roll over and already seven months old! And one morning out of no where you rolled over! Me and your dad we were so excited, we were gazing at you not believing what just happened! And now you can’t stop rolling over and scooting yourself all over the house! I even caught you trying to pull over some of my decorative items! You’re so cute!

Here comes my Fourth and by so far my best peek moment! Your first tooth!!!! I’m super excited to tell you about this Anna, so last week you were biting on your plastic toy and suddenly you started screaming! Me and your dad rushed to pick you up, I thought you must have hurt your gum so I grabbed the teething gel and started rubbing your little swallow gum! I told your father : The poor thing must have heart herself hard, I can feel the cut beneath my finger! Thank God your father is the smart one in this family, LOL! He opened your mouth and saw your little tooth peeking out!

My poor baby, you have been really fuzzy through these few days. As another tooth peaked just right next to the other. And we haven’t been getting enough sleep. But I know it’s just a phase, another growth spurt that we’re experimenting together, and soon all the pain will go away and you’ll feel a lot better about those weird white things that appeared in your mouth all of a sudden!

OOOps  I forget to tell you about the day you first said Mama!!! But I wrote you a whole poem about that moment!

Anna, Me and your dad, we love you so much. Everything we do, every decision we take , we now do it with your best interest in mind. You’re the joy of our lives and the blessing in our house. And everyday we pray for God to give you a long healthy and happy life, and to give us the power to be there for you every step of the way and the good health to support you and watch you grow!

Until my second letter, stay as cute as you are, love you!

Mama

And you said ” Ma..ma”!!!

smile my baby girl,

your smile is magical, it cures mama’s heart

smile my baby girl,

giggle, laugh and play…

bringing life to my life, you seem to master this art

there’s no joy greater than the one I’m feeling today

your little lips imitating my morning song,

my little random babbling parrot,

your little lips my baby, managed to come together

and say the word I’ve been dreaming to hear for so long

” Ma…Maaa” you said it so innocently,

and you made my heart dance with your little smile of victory

staring deep inside your grey eyes, makes feel so strong

hearing you say ” Mama” was better than I ever thought it would be

a little tear tinkled my eyes as I held you and danced

but I refused to let it out, you’ll never see your mama cry

maybe on your graduation party, as you celebrate your degree

or on your wedding day, I might shed a tear ( or cry for nights after you leave)

As I stand with you , doing your veil, feeling so proud of the most beautiful girl…

Oh my god, I’ve gotten so carried away

my future just flashed in colors, and I saw you in years to come

all because of one little word

you cured mama’s heart

you little lovely being ,you seem to master this art:)

 

 

Her Identity says : MOM, nothing more!!!

Her Identity says : MOM, nothing more!!!.

Her hair is a mess, dressed in her pijamas still,

A mop in her hand cleaning the spilled milk cup, which lies on the kitchen floor

trying to to have time not to burn the eggs on the stove

running from room to room to get them dressed, wondering whether she was living a dream!

four little children making the biggest mess

school bus is almost there, and nothing as always is ready yet

No time to think about her sours , to time for herself!

She breathes in deep trying to control her rebellious nerves

she breathes out with a prayer: God give me the strength!

a few minutes later and they are on their way to school

the house suddenly empty! and the sound of silence gives her the chills

My mother drinks her cup of coffee and stares deep inside her soul

her identity is not clear to her anymore,

she only knows she’s a mother of four,

she thinks as she rests her aching feet,

she even forgets to answer to her name when she’s called

She’s used to being called: mom, and nothing more!

STOP!!!! 5 minutes already gone!!

I found out that my fellow blogger Colline has written a post for a weekly challenge, hosted by another fellow blogger, I like her post and the idea so much that I decided to participate!!!

(This post is written for the Five Minute Friday Challenge hosted by The Gypsy Mama. The main idea is for Participants to write for 5 minutes with no editing, no over thinking, and no looking back. This week’s Challenge is about: Identity)

The Most Loving Heart

If Someone loves you for who you are

be you beautiful or ugly

Loves you even more than your mother or father or spouse would ever do

If Someone is there for you your whole life

through the bitter and sweet

and even when every body else shuts their doors in your face

this someone will be near you to wipe your tears and promise you

of better days, and  a better place

If this someone forgives you

even though you hurt him

it’s enough to be truly sorry and be sure to never do it again

he’s the best friend you’ll ever find in your joy and even in your pain

He knows your secrets even if you don’t tell him,

he knows your plans,

the roads you take, even the very word your thinking right now

needn’t you say!

He always does what is best for you, even though most of the times

you’ll doubt his ways

he keeps telling you to ask of him

and he shall give you what you ask for

all you have to do is believe that he’s always there for you

I bet you’re wondering now: Oh really? As if such a person exists!! Show me someone like that and I’ll never let go of him… right?

My friend, can’t you feel him already?don’t open your eyes and gaze around! see with your heart, there you’ll find him. Perfect in all his existence, the greatest heart of all times. The most loving , forgiving, father and friend. Trust in God my friend, he’s all that and much more than my poor pen could bare to write. Now that you found him, never let go of him…

Another Random Thought!

Quote

We’re merely visitors on this earth, guests who are destined to one day leave. Be polite enough to maintain this earth pure and nice and to thank God for hosting us on one of his planets.

Rana

Guilt!

Last week my baby girl fell down and bumped her head, while I was doing some chores around the house. She started crying, and I immediately rushed to pick her up. The moment I held her she stopped crying and cuddled me!

Knowing how serious and dangerous a head injury or concussion might be, I called her doctor. He asked whether she was vomiting or seemed to be sleepy or tired. Thank God she wasn’t! She was playing with her toy and giggling. He told me there was nothing to worry about , but I better keep a close eye for any of these symptoms for the next 24 hours.

That night I wasn’t able to sleep, I kept cuddling Anna and crying. I felt so guilty, for leaving her on her chair to do my chores. I had her sleep by my side and kept checking her breath all night! I even woke her several times just to make sure she’s ok. Since then, my guilt has been pursuing me, I don’t want to leave her at any moment of her awaking time! I only work around the house when she’s sleeping, which isn’t enough because she only takes little cat naps. And I wasn’t able to write any new posts, up until now.

I know that the guilt I felt was normal, and thank god my baby is fine. Her pedia told me that it’s always worst on the parents then it is on the baby ( psychologically speaking). But It was a good wake up call: I’m always worried about cleaning the house, cooking, inviting friends over, making sure people sees me, my house , my marriage ,my baby as ideal as possible. Now I know all these fake appearances don’t matter, what really counts is my baby’s health. What really matters is being there for her, even if I spend my whole day doing nothing but cuddling her and playing with her. Time passes so quickly, she’s already five months old and Soon I’ll be driving her to her first day of school without realizing how time went by. I don’t want to miss any moment of her growth.

How about you? do you have a similar story about your baby?

Or have you ever felt guilty about being distracted from a loved one when he needed you? I would love to hear from you, maybe my guilt will grow smaller…

It’s Time To Share This: Lord Jesus and Mother Mary in my dreams

I have been holding back on sharing some dreams I had during my pregnancy about Lord Jesus and Mother Mary, the reason I was not sharing these dreams is that I was afraid to be misunderstood.

As some of you know by now, I haven’t been a christian for so long. In fact, I first read the bible one year ago, because I wanted to learn more about the religion of the man I married. And reading the bible was the best thing that has ever happened in my life! I found love, in Jesus teachings. and in his actions I found peace, justice, forgiveness and light. I found a lamp so peaceful, that even as they crucified him he was praying for them!

One day, on our honeymoon, my husband accompanied me to Saint Charble’s Church.Knowing that I wanted a baby so desperately he asked me to pray and ask that the Lord blesses me with a child. And I did! I prayed with all my heart and soul that day. And that’s how my story with these holly dreams began ( If not to anyone else, these dreams are holly to me)

First dream: Anna-Elisabeth!

A few days after returning from praying in Saint Charble’s Church, I found out I was pregnant! Me and my husband were both excited and extremely grateful. I said to him on that evening: I want the name of the child to have the meaning of gratefulness , thankful for the merciful God for this wonderful gift. The only name that popped into my mind was “Grace” if the baby was to be a girl! The next day my husband came home with a printed list of names for babies  from the internet in different languages.I fell asleep while reading the list, and I had my first inspirational dream!

I saw myself in the back seat of our car, my husband driving and the seat beside him was empty! I was wondering why I was in the back seat when he suddenly stopped at a building site. There, stood a young woman with long black hair, wearing the safety hat of engineers. My husband got out of the car, hugged her and brought her back to the car to meet me. She looked exactly like him, but a feminine version! She held her hand out to me and said : I’m Hannah -Elisabeth , It’s nice to meet you. And suddenly the car was driving backwards, with me still in the back seat  feeling afraid, when I saw the hat of an engineer and her engineering manuscripts beside me!

That moment I woke up! I asked my husband ( who happens to be an engineer) If he knew someone named ” Anna- Elisabeth” at work. He said he didn’t even know that those two names go together! He googled the names and the surprise was  “Hannah: The Hebrew name Hannah means – gracious: Bible: the mother of Samuel”

“Elisabeth:Elizabeth or Elisabeth is the Greek translation of the Hebrew name Elisheva, meaning “God’s promise,” “oath of God,” or “I am God’s daughter.” Women in the Bible: Elizabeth, prophetess, cousin of Mary of Nazareth, mother of John the Baptist.

You are free to think that this was a coincidence or a regular dream, but to me it felt like an inspiration.  A few weeks pregnant and I was sure that I was carrying a baby girl, who I will be naming “Anna- Elisabeth”

Second Dream: Mother Mary and Lord Jesus

After learning about my pregnancy, I was feeling very emotional that one evening I suggested to my husband the idea of adopting a child!! My husband was very surprised, and he literary said: You’re going to be a mother soon, and you’ll barely have time for one baby. Why do you want to adopt!!

I felt sad from his response, although now I see how logical and right he was. I prayed for mother Mary before I went to sleep. I prayed to her to guide me, and show me the right path, and to help me decide on what religion I shall raise my baby!

I don’t remember if I had the dream that very night or the next night, but here’s what I saw in my dream:

I Saw mother Mary, wearing blue, and with a white veil on her hair. She didn’t talk to me, she just smiled at me and looked towards where her son “Lord Jesus”was standing! It was an open blue space with clouds, just like the sky. And Jesus was standing beside what seemed to be a fireplace. But there was no fire in that fireplace, instead there were a lot of glass bottles, each with a spirit trapped inside! Jesus was opening the bottles one by one, and setting the spirits free. Whenever a spirit left a bottle it turned into a pigeon and flied away! Right next to Jesus, stood a little boy, dressed in blue as well. He seemed to be instructing Lord Jesus on opening the bottles.

I said to Jesus: Forgive me Lord, but why is this little student instructing you! Shouldn’t you know better than him!

Then I saw Jesus approaching me with a smile and such a heavenly face. He said: sometimes we need to listen to the students, there’s a lot to learn from them!

and then Jesus spread both hands to me, and in the palm of each hand he was carrying a little girl, in the size of a hand! He was giving me the two girls when I woke up!

I was laying in bed, the room was empty, my husband beside me. but then I saw the face of Saint Charble, asking me to sleep on the shape of a cross.

I spread out my two arms , joined my legs and slept on the shape of a cross until morning!

My Third Dream: Mother Mary’s  Message to me

My third dream was during my last trimester of pregnancy. I saw myself with two young women, kneeling inside the door of a large church. We were dressed in clothes of nuns but not black and white! I was wearing brown and white, one of the girls was wearing olive green and white, and the other grey and white! The three of us were wearing large wooden crosses as necklaces and we were on our knees in prayer.The church was filled with people in front of us, dressed in casual clothes, standing up in prayers but with chaos and loud annoying noise! And then I heard mother Mary speak to me and the two women who were kneeling next to me, I didn’t see her, but I knew she was mother Mary. She said:

“Stay awake through your nights and pray, you have to crawl slowly towards the altar as you pray.

Stay awake through your nights and pray, for the end of times is very near!”

And I remember that we crawled to the altar on our knees as we prayed, but it took us a long time, and before reaching the altar, I woke up!

I’m not pretending to having seen a vision, or to being pure, I’m a normal person with my share of sins and bad doings which I’m ashamed of and I’m trying so hard to make up for them through doing the right thing.

But I was blessed and fortunate enough to see these dreams, and to have my baby. And I needed to share the messages in my dreams with you, maybe they will change your life for the better as they changed mine, and maybe Mother Mary and Lord Jesus, wanted me to share these dreams through my writings.

If you are in doubt, I have been in doubt before. If you are a sinner, I have been one before. If you are lost, I was lost for a long time before. But then, I searched for God! And God was everywhere around me! But I was blinded and I couldn’t see. When I took the decision to open my eyes, I was able to witness his Glory!

His Love is endless and God gives it to all of us, but you have to open your heart to be able to receive it. Pray to be guided to the true path and God shall guide you! Pray for forgiveness, and you shall be forgiven because God is merciful. Pray for justice and you shall be granted… For I have seen the darkness and it’s cold and full of hate and loneliness, and prayed to see the light, and God showed me warmth and kindness. God gave me a family when I had none! He gave me a safe home, when I was almost homeless! He gave me love, when I was begging for love! God has been gracious to me, even when I didn’t deserve it. Because God is my merciful father, and he loves all his children equally , open your hearts to his call, to his whispers  and you will be rewarded an ever lasting treasure in his kingdom.
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-24).193