Guilt!

Last week my baby girl fell down and bumped her head, while I was doing some chores around the house. She started crying, and I immediately rushed to pick her up. The moment I held her she stopped crying and cuddled me!

Knowing how serious and dangerous a head injury or concussion might be, I called her doctor. He asked whether she was vomiting or seemed to be sleepy or tired. Thank God she wasn’t! She was playing with her toy and giggling. He told me there was nothing to worry about , but I better keep a close eye for any of these symptoms for the next 24 hours.

That night I wasn’t able to sleep, I kept cuddling Anna and crying. I felt so guilty, for leaving her on her chair to do my chores. I had her sleep by my side and kept checking her breath all night! I even woke her several times just to make sure she’s ok. Since then, my guilt has been pursuing me, I don’t want to leave her at any moment of her awaking time! I only work around the house when she’s sleeping, which isn’t enough because she only takes little cat naps. And I wasn’t able to write any new posts, up until now.

I know that the guilt I felt was normal, and thank god my baby is fine. Her pedia told me that it’s always worst on the parents then it is on the baby ( psychologically speaking). But It was a good wake up call: I’m always worried about cleaning the house, cooking, inviting friends over, making sure people sees me, my house , my marriage ,my baby as ideal as possible. Now I know all these fake appearances don’t matter, what really counts is my baby’s health. What really matters is being there for her, even if I spend my whole day doing nothing but cuddling her and playing with her. Time passes so quickly, she’s already five months old and Soon I’ll be driving her to her first day of school without realizing how time went by. I don’t want to miss any moment of her growth.

How about you? do you have a similar story about your baby?

Or have you ever felt guilty about being distracted from a loved one when he needed you? I would love to hear from you, maybe my guilt will grow smaller…

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14 thoughts on “Guilt!

  1. Awe. May God bless your baby, keep her in his protective shell and fill her life with all happiness and safety.

    I know that feeling because of the time I spent with my Nephew. For some reasons that I cannot explain, I was always there to protect him when he was about to get hurt. Like I was guarding him. That has been even way before his birth. I know I sound weird but everyone in my family noticed that.

    And each time I wasn’t around and he got hurt, I felt guilty and wished I was just there.

    • Thank you Aisha for your sweet prayer for my baby, I really appreciate it. I have the feeling that you are a great aunt and one day will be a good mommy as well. We always wish we were around at the right time to protect our beloved ones, we do our best every day, but don’t blame yourself when you’re not around for as the song goes: I’m no superman…
      Bless you.

  2. Rana its very natural to feel guilty about such things. Motherhood is a relation that is always on the go and cautious when it comes to the babies. I don’t have a baby yet, but i can still imagine how bad you would have felt, and how it would have given you sleepless nights. When my dog was 2 months old, i wasn’t home and she broke her leg by a closing door with wind. she had a rod for 2 months before she could walk on her own properly once again. she is 7.5 years now and even now i blame my self for not being there to protect her that day. she was relatively new in my house, i shouldn’t have left her just like that. shes just like my baby and i get worried about her all the time, i can imagine how you feel.
    Its just that we usually get so busy in doing other things that we think are important at that pointing time but in reality they are not. whats more important then any thing at any time is our loved ones and our family. but at times we get so socially involved in taking care of other things, making sure that our life looks perfect to the onlookers that we forget to care about the ones who actually matter to us.
    Even though right now you cannot find enough time to do your chores coz now you are giving your baby all your time, but trust me end of the day you will enjoy her each and every moment, and will thank God that you didn’t miss any thing. Very soon she will start to crawl and get under very table she can find, until one day she will hold it n try to stand.:) and her life will continue to grow so on. But also keep in mind that she will also get hurt alot of times in the process (kids always get hurt) Guilt is very normal and there will be alot of times ahead when u feel that you are not doing enough for her but do not let the guilt eat you away. Just be cautious and enjoy her πŸ™‚

    • Thank you Tya for your sweet response:) And you’re absolutely right there’s nothing more precious than spending time enjoying my baby:) Sometimes we get caught with all the false appearances that life puts on our shoulders that we forget to stop and breath, and we forget that we will not be here on this earth forever, what really matters are those priceless memories with our beloved ones!
      Bless you my friend, you’ll make a great mommy one day.

  3. Rana habibiti don’t be so hard on yourself! Thank God she’s fine πŸ™‚ Coming from a mother of 3, don’t worry it’s really ok. Kids will go through so much while growing up and will not remember a thing of it. My God I have even lost count of how many times one my kids fell off a chair, busted a lip, almost broke a tooth, bruised face! I’m SURE that you’re a great mommy, and it’s ok for great mommies to do other things around the house when their kids are up. Otherwise it’s unfair to you. Only next time don’t leave her on the chair if you can’t see her, I made a toy room with padded floors and nothing but toys for the kids. This way I know they are safe if I need to do something around the house. The guilt is normal, but don’t worry about it. She already forgot all about it πŸ™‚ It is healthy for kids not to have ALL their parents’ attention at all times, they will grow up more dependent and you will keep your sanity as work or number of kids grow πŸ™‚ If you want specific stories about kids adventures, we should have a virtual meeting yo share all the crazy stories! πŸ˜€

    • Resho thank you for your support! It really felt much better reading all the comments of you parents here!I love the idea of padded floor, I think I’m gonna go for it starting this spring πŸ™‚ I really appreciate what you said and would love to hear those stories:) Blessings to you and your lovely family.

  4. Children, and babies, are much stronger than you think. As mom’s we need to allow our children to explore and get those little bumps on the head – in this way they learn how to prevent themselves from experiencing even bigger falls. Expect more bumps when she starts playing in the park on the play equipment πŸ™‚

    • Thank you Colline for your comment:) She’s already trying to sit by herself, and off course you know how many times she falls on the sides! But she’s having fun doing it, even when she falls she looks at me and smiles:)
      blessings.

  5. Oh, I know the feeling Rana.

    I was carrying my first born and picked up a soup from a takeaway counter. Did not realise that the soup bag rested on my darling’s leg and she jerked with pain. I was wrecked at the thought of having hurt my baby…still remember it.

    Luv and peace to you and family, Eric

    • Dear Eric,
      Thank you so much for your comment! stories like these make us feel guilt as parents even after years, although we know we never had the intention of hurting our little ones.
      I’m sure that babies are guarded and protected by angels, that’s how they survive the process of growing up πŸ™‚
      God bless you and your family my friend.

  6. Rana, first of all, bless you so very much for deciding to follow my blog! Welcome! I hope you will continue to enjoy our journey there together. About feeling guilty for placing other aspects of your life, your homemaking, above the welfare and happiness of your loved ones: we have ALL been there! I am learning that even the welfare of my pets and quality companionship time with them, is even more important than a clean floor! I am also learning to value what I think of my home and my life there above the opinions of others, except for those actually sharing that home. We ladies, we wives and mothers, just put way too much “stuff” on our to-do lists, don’t we? Thanks for the honesty of your sharing here today. It does us all so much good!

    • Thank you Granbee for your nice comment, I came to find your blog through my dear friend Jennifer , and i know how she loves to read your blog, so I decided to peek in:) and I’m happy that I did, I’ll be digging around soon. As for what you said about my post, you’re absolutely right. our society has put so much burdens on our shoulders when it comes to outer appearances, I’m so ashamed to admit that I’ve been dragged into this circle. During this holly month of fasting and being closer to the Lord, I came to realize how little we need to truly be happy.
      Bless you and thank you for following back.

  7. My dear friend, I’m very glad little Anna is fine; thanks be to God. I know that feeling; unfortunately, we cannot protect our little ones 24/7; and if we could, it wouldn’t be good for them either (I’ve learned that with my first-born daughter). Lately, I have also felt the same way as you have: the feeling that I’m not spending quality time with my kids for being doing things not even nearly as important, one of the main reasons I haven’t been blogging these days. However, I’m still coming back because some β€œme” time is not only important for me but also necessary for all of us here πŸ™‚ God bless you and your family!

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