A glimpse of life without you!

I opened my eyes and you weren’t there!

your part of the bed was empty,

Not a glimpse of your black hair

under that cozy blanky!

I missed the touch of your feet,

as they try to warm mine,

no noise was heard down street

And even the sun didn’t shine!

I felt as If time has stopped arround me

I searched for you,  your clothes were gone

What’s going on, how could this be!

“What is done cannot be undone!

A voice in my head declared!

My heart beating in fear, I Dialed your number

Biting my nails off, counting the seconds

“This number is not yet in service!” came the answer!

As if someone erased you from my life!

I was going mad, My breath became heavy

about to fall down to my knees,

your gentle touch shook me

Your tender voice ever so clear

woke me:

“Baby, you’re having a nightmare!

As If I haven’t seen you in so long,

I rushed eagerly to hug you,

you hugged back, but I held you strong

So close to my heart

A glimpse of how dark and lonely,

my life if you hadn’t been in it!

I don’t care if I have to stay awake

till the end of times,

I’m not having another dream without you!


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Baby Blues Attack!

I’ve been having the feeling that something is just not right about my life lately!

Two days ago, after I finished my shower, I was drying my hair in front of the mirror, when I saw a pair of scissors on the shelf next to me and the craziest idea popped into my mind! I grabbed the scissors and started chopping my long, beautiful, just recently highlighted hair!

After I was done, reality punched its cruel fist at me! What have I done! I knew I was going through one of my famous blackout moments! Cutting my hair was my way of dealing with blues, the hardest types of blues, since I was 17 years old! Every two or 3 years, I get this insane feeling, the need, the urge, to cut my lovely hair! and I start growing it all over again!

I had to sit down for a while, sipping a cup of dark coffee and writing down a list of my life’s recent highlights, some sort of reality check!

1- My marriage: a very happy marriage, so this is not the reason.

2-My home: one of those dream houses, again not the reason.

3- Our family: all are very supportive, and caring.No not it.

4-My health: very well, thanks God!

5- My dreams: most of them came true, the others are on their way!

6-My daughter: An angel! I can’t imagine someone who loves her baby more than me! But since she was born, I haven’t been able to get anything accomplished! It seems as if my life is rotating around this tiny creature! I haven’t had any “ME” time, and If I go out with my husband and leave her with someone, I feel heart-broken as if I have done a terrible act of selfishness and I’m not worthy of being a mother! When she cries and I don’t succeed in comforting her “which happens sometimes”  My tears start dropping like the Niagara Falls!

So that’s it! It’s the Evil effect of that horrible baby blues ! And one would think that after 3 months of delivery this won’t happen! After I gave birth to Anna, I was glad not to have the pleasure of getting face to face with the famous baby blues that everyone talks about! but, here it is! a delayed unhappy surprise! And my poor hair paid the price! Why new moms get the baby blues any way?  Google once again offered me the answer: “Having a baby is stressful—no matter how much you’ve looked forward to it or how much you love your child. Considering the sleep deprivation, new responsibilities, and lack of time for yourself, it’s no surprise that a lot of new moms feel like they’re on an emotional roller coaster. ” (http://helpguide.org/)

It’s funny how good it felt after I cut my hair!  Yes its true I made a mess and I needed to get myself to the nearest hairstylist  to clean it up!  ” Once you know that I’m a Gemini you’ll not encounter this behavior as weird”. I know it’s just a phase that will fade away, because I’m a healthy young woman with a supportive husband and a loving family, and because I thank God everyday for the blessing of being a mother and having a wonderful baby girl like Anna. Babies grow up in a blink! I remember I used to hear my grandma tell my mom”Be patient, one day you’ll close your eyes and when you open them you’ll notice they have grown! ” My grandma had Ten children, My mom had four, and I’m struggling with this little angle! God bless the previous generations, we are a generation of spoiled mothers I tell you! We women know that, but we keep it a secret from our men! shhhh…

I was caught by surprise when my husband suddenly opened the front door! “Someone give me a hat!!!!! ” I thought to myself! He stood in the entrance staring on what used to be an amazing long hair, and which looks now like a piece of agricultural land which has been harvest in the driest day of the season!

Later that night, I was sipping wine and eating chestnuts by our fire-place with the great man I married, enjoying my new, improved hair cut “After my stylist saved my life off course! Thank you Makram!”