Today I’m Sad

Today I’m sad! As if my heart wanted to share the  whispers of the rain falling out side my window.  Sadness, This feeling inside that I try to avoid.  I learned to fight it as hard as I can, and I always declare its defeat as I succeed in putting back a smile on my face, and lighting up the hearts of the people around me.

But today, I have no strength to fight back! I sit silently by my window side, staring at the angry nature. I could almost feel the pain of the trees, as the wind viciously tears their leaves one by one!

I’m a person of joy, and hope! But today, I gave in to that little tear begging me to set it free, so it could run down my cheeks. Through my foggy eyes, I catch a glimpse of a stray cat, meowing in pain, calling for help, seeking a shelter from this upset storm. I wished I could offer her shelter for sometime, but as lightning filled up the sky I was distracted from my thoughts, and then thunder strikes!  It felt as If a dagger is stabbed into my heart! Someone I love is hurting, someone I love is in pain, and there’s nothing I can do to help! Destiny has been unfair to him! I wipe my tears, and look up into the skies, through the clouds my spirit flies and I hear myself saying out loud “: Oh forgive me Lord I know you shall comfort him, my merciful father forgive my earthly doubt. ”

I light a candle and place it beside the pictures of my beloved saints, “Dear lord ” I prayed “please ease his pain, grant him your justice, your protection is all he needs, accept my prayers my heavenly father, Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”Amen

The phone rings, interrupting the cruel silence that took over my house, once more I wipe my tears, clear my throat, draw a smile on my face and answer an eager friend with a fake pleasant voice.

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Help! I Think My Brain Is Leaking!!!

I’m totally technology proof! I’m always out of date when it comes to anything having to do with technology. I always catch up late, if ever! And you know all these technological terms that people nowadays use, I don’t understand the majority of it! Talk to me about poetry, and I will love you. About history, and I can go on for hours listing the history of most well-known nations, wars, epidemics… Arts, philosophy, psychology, you name it and I have the needed information. But not technology! That word is so heavy on my ears!

Whenever someone discusses anything related to this subject I feel like the lazy kid who sits in the back of the class, half asleep, with no idea of what the teacher is talking about, praying that she doesn’t ask him any questions!

To make things even worst, my husband is an electron mechanical engineer with a passion for technology! While I surf the net for poetry, literature and philosophy, he surfs it for the latest upgrades, inventions, computer programs! When he manages to download a rare application he’s as happy as a child on a Christmas morning! Some days, he would come home, excited to show me the latest technology he downloaded into his N8( this phone is his spoiled baby boy!) and I start nodding, and saying :” hmm! Wow! “you know like someone who gets it, but in fact I’m not even there! I’d be thinking about my baby’s diaper, or what to have for dinner! And then the deadly questions are asked:

-Do you like it( off course I nod in approval to God knows what!)

-Isn’t it something (I know) ,

-Do you know its a break through in the history of mobile phones ( yes, I know),

-What was I talking about (I don’t know!)

Yesterday I made him a nice dinner, gave him a neck massage, and then after I made sure his tummy is filled and his nerves are relaxed, I asked for a new laptop.

“Sure” he said.”what kind of laptops would you like

I was about to say “the kind that has a screen, a keyboard and can get me online faster than this old thing I have now” but I knew I’ll just sound stupid!

“You’re the expert, which do you recommend”

And all I remember after my question, was hearing all sort of names, types, features which I understand nothing about! I even thought “why did I have to ask! My laptop is just fine! sure its 4 years old, and very slow, but it’s just fine!

What Is wrong with my brain! why can’t I comprehend anything related to this subject! When my husband tells me that my computer has a virus, I feel sad as if its sick and I wish I could make it a warm cup of tea and give it two tablets of Panadol, maybe it will feel better! but then I remember it’s a machine that we’re talking about!

Another embarrassing thing about me, is that I have the memory of a fish!!! ( you know fish’s memory is wiped out every 5 seconds) especially when it comes to the names of pharmaceutical drugs! before our monthly visit to my daughter’s doctor I memorize the names of the drugs I’m giving her just like a student getting ready to take a difficult exam! But once that red hair man asks me: what did you give her for her ear’s infection, or for her tummy pain I black out ! “ehhhhhhh, ehhhhhhhhhh, ehhhh I squeeze my brain, but I can’t remember! I give my husband that desperate look that says : Help! and my hero runs to the rescue. Thanks God he has a good memory!

I’m starting to think I have a brain leak !

The positive side of this matter is that I don’t remember fighting with people! I would have had a dreadful fight with someone and two days later I greet them and talk to them as if nothing has  happened. At first people used to be surprised, but now they know me well, and it’s something they like about me (especially my mother in law!)

Baby Blues Attack!

I’ve been having the feeling that something is just not right about my life lately!

Two days ago, after I finished my shower, I was drying my hair in front of the mirror, when I saw a pair of scissors on the shelf next to me and the craziest idea popped into my mind! I grabbed the scissors and started chopping my long, beautiful, just recently highlighted hair!

After I was done, reality punched its cruel fist at me! What have I done! I knew I was going through one of my famous blackout moments! Cutting my hair was my way of dealing with blues, the hardest types of blues, since I was 17 years old! Every two or 3 years, I get this insane feeling, the need, the urge, to cut my lovely hair! and I start growing it all over again!

I had to sit down for a while, sipping a cup of dark coffee and writing down a list of my life’s recent highlights, some sort of reality check!

1- My marriage: a very happy marriage, so this is not the reason.

2-My home: one of those dream houses, again not the reason.

3- Our family: all are very supportive, and caring.No not it.

4-My health: very well, thanks God!

5- My dreams: most of them came true, the others are on their way!

6-My daughter: An angel! I can’t imagine someone who loves her baby more than me! But since she was born, I haven’t been able to get anything accomplished! It seems as if my life is rotating around this tiny creature! I haven’t had any “ME” time, and If I go out with my husband and leave her with someone, I feel heart-broken as if I have done a terrible act of selfishness and I’m not worthy of being a mother! When she cries and I don’t succeed in comforting her “which happens sometimes”  My tears start dropping like the Niagara Falls!

So that’s it! It’s the Evil effect of that horrible baby blues ! And one would think that after 3 months of delivery this won’t happen! After I gave birth to Anna, I was glad not to have the pleasure of getting face to face with the famous baby blues that everyone talks about! but, here it is! a delayed unhappy surprise! And my poor hair paid the price! Why new moms get the baby blues any way?  Google once again offered me the answer: “Having a baby is stressful—no matter how much you’ve looked forward to it or how much you love your child. Considering the sleep deprivation, new responsibilities, and lack of time for yourself, it’s no surprise that a lot of new moms feel like they’re on an emotional roller coaster. ” (http://helpguide.org/)

It’s funny how good it felt after I cut my hair!  Yes its true I made a mess and I needed to get myself to the nearest hairstylist  to clean it up!  ” Once you know that I’m a Gemini you’ll not encounter this behavior as weird”. I know it’s just a phase that will fade away, because I’m a healthy young woman with a supportive husband and a loving family, and because I thank God everyday for the blessing of being a mother and having a wonderful baby girl like Anna. Babies grow up in a blink! I remember I used to hear my grandma tell my mom”Be patient, one day you’ll close your eyes and when you open them you’ll notice they have grown! ” My grandma had Ten children, My mom had four, and I’m struggling with this little angle! God bless the previous generations, we are a generation of spoiled mothers I tell you! We women know that, but we keep it a secret from our men! shhhh…

I was caught by surprise when my husband suddenly opened the front door! “Someone give me a hat!!!!! ” I thought to myself! He stood in the entrance staring on what used to be an amazing long hair, and which looks now like a piece of agricultural land which has been harvest in the driest day of the season!

Later that night, I was sipping wine and eating chestnuts by our fire-place with the great man I married, enjoying my new, improved hair cut “After my stylist saved my life off course! Thank you Makram!”

Cheers My Love!

Cheers my love,

You had me smile again,

In the kindness of your heart

I found the cure of all my pain…

All the darkness of my past,

you wiped out…

You had me learn, that

every bitter night I once lived ,

every tear I once wept

Every day I spent before we met

were not a part of my life,

I now define “life”: the day I met you!

Cheers, raise your glass with me,

it’s a toast of gratitude that we’re in love,

It’s been a year since we joined our souls, and lives

I recap,

our smiles, our hugs,

our silly fights, our late night dinners,

my tears, and your soothing touch,

This year, like the one before,

you’re the best gift I ever got!

I pray that my gift will be the same next year, and for years to come,

Cheers my love!

you lighten my burdens, you brighten my days,

because of you I’m a happier woman,

in so many ways,

Let’s say our prayers,

and drink our wine,

It’s enough for me to know

that in this new year,

you’ll still be, All mine…

Cheers!


The Ungrateful

Quote

   The Ungrateful… someone who doesn’t appreciate all the things you do for him. Someone who turns his back to you when you most expect him to return your favors. Someone who eats at your table and talks behind your back, or more precisely stabs you in the back. Yes off-course you know the ungrateful  because we all have one in our lives! Maybe a family member, a colleague at work, an unworthy friend, a jealous neighbor perhaps! Fortunately for me I have come across with many ungrateful people in my life, most of them used to be my friends, and some of them still are.

   You might wonder why I said “fortunately for me”,  well If you have asked me one year ago I would have said that there’s nothing fortunate about it, and those people never deserved to be in my life or get a piece of my affection, but now I see it differently!

   I know how much it hurts and depresses you to treat someone with love and trust, but receive the vice in return. It is very easy to go with the concept an eye for an eye! someone hurts you and you hurt back, they stab you in the back and you do the same. But think how brave of you it is to know that the other is being unjust to you, yet you keep calm and proud! Think how courageous you are, when you have all the power to hurt back, yet you choose to turn the other cheek. Few, and few only choose to forgive the ungrateful, because it is a very hard choice to take. It needs someone with great self confidence and a lot of kindness and good will, which are not so much of popular traits these days! But once you take that decision, once you choose not to return the ungratefulness, you’ll experience the most spectacular energy filing your soul, a new kind of joy, you know you did the right thing. I am fortunate to witness this feeling!

   The ungrateful are miserable human beings, nothing is ever enough for them. Nothing satisfies their hunger, they are blinded so they can’t see the blessings that surround them, and are trapped behind a wall of envy and greed. We ought to pity them since we are fortunate enough to witness and appreciate all the blessings that God has given us. We are able to experience happiness through the simple things in life and yet be grateful. Our souls are not empty, and vague. We know how to give thanks to God and those who deserve. Don not be sad from their behaviors, but be happy from yours. You’re the one who is ready to give, and at the same time knows how to be grateful…

Pictures displayed on this blog are taken from Google, and  or from different sites. The writer of this blog, doesn’t claim any copyrights of the above pictures.

My Thank you List 2011- My Prayer List 2012

 

Today is the last day of 2011, and I’m feeling particularly excited about the New Year. I have started some new year’s tradition since 2010, when I decided that years also require a proper closure. Some sort of an elegant goodbye, which leads to spiritual peace. I decided that every new year I’m going to look back and remember only the good times, the achievements, the best of the best and be seriously thankful. For the way I see it, only the Good times are worthy of our meditations and reflections.

I wanted to let you on my end of year rituals, maybe if you practice them they’ll bring you as much joy and satisfaction as they bring me.So, fasten your seat belts and off we go:

My Thank you List of 2011:

“Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness, And for His wonderful works to the children of men! For He satisfies the longing soul, And fills the hungry soul with goodness. Psalm 107:8-9

Lord, In 2011 you have blessed me with every reason of happiness, and for that I’m very grateful and thankful.

-1-  My biggest Joy was when I read the bible for the first time at the beginning of 2011, that’s how I found my way to your beloved son, our lord Jesus. Thank you for showing me the right path! and saving my soul from the valley of shadows.

-2- Thank  you for blessing me with a loving family, my husband and my daughter are the most precious gifts in this life.

-3- Thank you for our good health.

-4- Thank  you for the roof we have over our heads, for the clothes we have on our backs, and for the food we have on our table every day.

-5-Thank you for All the love you have planted under our roof, which is blossoming in our hugs and smiles and in my baby’s face.

-6-Thank you for giving me the chance to spread some of your messages to us through my writings, now I know the reason you blessed with this talent. You want me to write for you, and I will.

-7- Thank you for granting us with enough life time to witness the beginning of a New Year.

Yes, It has truly been a wonderful year, and I’m grateful for every day, every hour, and every minute. Thank you Lord.

My Prayers List For 2012

Jesus Says: “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

11 “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”    (Luke 11:9-12  NIV)

My heavenly father, I pray to you in such a devoted spirit. Give us your blessings to go through our New year.

-1- Grant us the wisdom and logic to stay on the right track, to hold on to our faith even more, to teach others that you are the path and the only way.

-2- Bless the earth with peace. And Show our leaders that war and injustice are not the right way. Plant mercy in their hearts.

-3- Bless me, my Family, and friends with good health and peace. Don’t deprive us from your mercy, accept our prayers, and forgive our weak souls.Give us Our daily bread.

-4- give us the strength and potential to forgive others and help them the same way we want you to forgive us and help us. Salivate us from the wickedness in our souls, and protect us from the Evil.

-5-Protect my little girl, and give her good health, and the care of good people who would love her as much as me and her dad do.

Lord, bless us all.

Amen

I bet that you too have a lot in 2011 to thank God for, and prayers and wishes for 2012. Would you like to share some with me, I would love to hear your thankful list a lot.

I beg you to keep in mind, that it’s not too late, to repent. It’s not too late to give our apologies for our mistakes and start all over, and to pray to our merciful Father for a new beginning.

Happy New Beginning, 2012: Enjoy the night, but don’t drink and drive.

Rana

More Than Words Could Say!

I wonder how simple things could mean so much

How you changed the world around me in a touch

how an endless love is born from a simple crush!

How  one look from your eyes makes me blush

how u make my day better by a simple smile

the way you talk, the way you walk, all your style

It’s enough how easily you brighten up my day,

Do I love you

I love you more than words could say.

Rana

Pictures displayed on this blog are taken from Google, and  or from different sites. The writer of this blog, doesn’t claim any copyrights of the above pictures.

 

And free I shall forever be…

Imagenever the wet grounds of winter or its cold heart be my home! I only live where the spring blossoms, for I to sleep in peace sheltered by those petals! It’s from happiness and sadness combined that I shall rise, for they are the components of life…I’m both Fire and water, and I shall need a companion of fire and water to understand the mysteries of my never-resting mind…An inspiration! Many pen holders said I was! A lot of poetry was written in my name, to describe the fascination of the beauty that god has put upon me, since my earliest womanhood…A tale that never ends… I keep my shadow high, and my pure soul forever innocent.  But danger, oh! that idea I never knew why it triggered my mind, For I like to walk upon the wind and prove that it could be done…an Inspiration I shall be not only to you, but to all those who like to watch from a near distance and envy my bravery! Don’t be upset my dearest one, I know at some point I’ll be looking for a peaceful l life as well…but until then, who’s gonna inspire me?

Pictures displayed on this blog are taken from Google, and  or from different sites. The writer of this blog, doesn’t claim any copyrights of the above pictures.