Dancing On The Shore Of Illusion!

Dance with me…

On the shores of this amazing illusion,

pull me closer to you

whisper to me,

that you love me…

teach me all the required steps

to master this dance

I want to give my best performance tonight…

Help me to learn the melody

of those yellow leaves scattered under our feet…

to enjoy the tenderness of the sand…

Dance with me…

Help me to break free,

Save me

from the bloody wire of thorns they wrapped around my waist

I’m the soft breath of early summer in my land

A butterfly,

who feels so weak, I have been captured by hand…

they took my voice, my clothes, and burnt down my house

they killed the children in my village

and covered the fields in black

they even threatened the sun,

and the moon was too scared to come out at night

they hushed the mothers , so nobody hears them cry!

But they couldn’t take my pen away,

nor my ability to smile,

they were surprised that I can dance still,

when my feet are wrapped in chains

They didn’t know that injured birds also sing

they sing so lovely even when in pain

they didn’t know that earth will continue its tour

and the sun is waiting to meet us again!

They forgot that God is more powerful than their weapons

and that the will of the poor and sad will one day win

I promised to keep writing and dancing

Even when I’m dancing in pain

So, Dance with me tonight!

Let your words be my music

and your voice, a rhythm

Teach me to dance, teach me..

bring me closer to your breath,

And only then, step back and leave me

Never lay a kiss on my virgin lips

never set a sigh

never crave a sensitive touch,

my perfume

or a look

from my sad eyes,

All I want for tonight

Is a moment of transparency

maybe tomorrow we won’t be here

and you

and me

we’ll be, two travelers

searching for their country

for a home, to their never-ceasing nostalgia,

two strangers,

Who once met, and danced for a brief,

in sad harmony

on the shores of an illusion..

Advertisements

It’s Time To Share This: Lord Jesus and Mother Mary in my dreams

I have been holding back on sharing some dreams I had during my pregnancy about Lord Jesus and Mother Mary, the reason I was not sharing these dreams is that I was afraid to be misunderstood.

As some of you know by now, I haven’t been a christian for so long. In fact, I first read the bible one year ago, because I wanted to learn more about the religion of the man I married. And reading the bible was the best thing that has ever happened in my life! I found love, in Jesus teachings. and in his actions I found peace, justice, forgiveness and light. I found a lamp so peaceful, that even as they crucified him he was praying for them!

One day, on our honeymoon, my husband accompanied me to Saint Charble’s Church.Knowing that I wanted a baby so desperately he asked me to pray and ask that the Lord blesses me with a child. And I did! I prayed with all my heart and soul that day. And that’s how my story with these holly dreams began ( If not to anyone else, these dreams are holly to me)

First dream: Anna-Elisabeth!

A few days after returning from praying in Saint Charble’s Church, I found out I was pregnant! Me and my husband were both excited and extremely grateful. I said to him on that evening: I want the name of the child to have the meaning of gratefulness , thankful for the merciful God for this wonderful gift. The only name that popped into my mind was “Grace” if the baby was to be a girl! The next day my husband came home with a printed list of names for babies  from the internet in different languages.I fell asleep while reading the list, and I had my first inspirational dream!

I saw myself in the back seat of our car, my husband driving and the seat beside him was empty! I was wondering why I was in the back seat when he suddenly stopped at a building site. There, stood a young woman with long black hair, wearing the safety hat of engineers. My husband got out of the car, hugged her and brought her back to the car to meet me. She looked exactly like him, but a feminine version! She held her hand out to me and said : I’m Hannah -Elisabeth , It’s nice to meet you. And suddenly the car was driving backwards, with me still in the back seat  feeling afraid, when I saw the hat of an engineer and her engineering manuscripts beside me!

That moment I woke up! I asked my husband ( who happens to be an engineer) If he knew someone named ” Anna- Elisabeth” at work. He said he didn’t even know that those two names go together! He googled the names and the surprise was  “Hannah: The Hebrew name Hannah means – gracious: Bible: the mother of Samuel”

“Elisabeth:Elizabeth or Elisabeth is the Greek translation of the Hebrew name Elisheva, meaning “God’s promise,” “oath of God,” or “I am God’s daughter.” Women in the Bible: Elizabeth, prophetess, cousin of Mary of Nazareth, mother of John the Baptist.

You are free to think that this was a coincidence or a regular dream, but to me it felt like an inspiration.  A few weeks pregnant and I was sure that I was carrying a baby girl, who I will be naming “Anna- Elisabeth”

Second Dream: Mother Mary and Lord Jesus

After learning about my pregnancy, I was feeling very emotional that one evening I suggested to my husband the idea of adopting a child!! My husband was very surprised, and he literary said: You’re going to be a mother soon, and you’ll barely have time for one baby. Why do you want to adopt!!

I felt sad from his response, although now I see how logical and right he was. I prayed for mother Mary before I went to sleep. I prayed to her to guide me, and show me the right path, and to help me decide on what religion I shall raise my baby!

I don’t remember if I had the dream that very night or the next night, but here’s what I saw in my dream:

I Saw mother Mary, wearing blue, and with a white veil on her hair. She didn’t talk to me, she just smiled at me and looked towards where her son “Lord Jesus”was standing! It was an open blue space with clouds, just like the sky. And Jesus was standing beside what seemed to be a fireplace. But there was no fire in that fireplace, instead there were a lot of glass bottles, each with a spirit trapped inside! Jesus was opening the bottles one by one, and setting the spirits free. Whenever a spirit left a bottle it turned into a pigeon and flied away! Right next to Jesus, stood a little boy, dressed in blue as well. He seemed to be instructing Lord Jesus on opening the bottles.

I said to Jesus: Forgive me Lord, but why is this little student instructing you! Shouldn’t you know better than him!

Then I saw Jesus approaching me with a smile and such a heavenly face. He said: sometimes we need to listen to the students, there’s a lot to learn from them!

and then Jesus spread both hands to me, and in the palm of each hand he was carrying a little girl, in the size of a hand! He was giving me the two girls when I woke up!

I was laying in bed, the room was empty, my husband beside me. but then I saw the face of Saint Charble, asking me to sleep on the shape of a cross.

I spread out my two arms , joined my legs and slept on the shape of a cross until morning!

My Third Dream: Mother Mary’s  Message to me

My third dream was during my last trimester of pregnancy. I saw myself with two young women, kneeling inside the door of a large church. We were dressed in clothes of nuns but not black and white! I was wearing brown and white, one of the girls was wearing olive green and white, and the other grey and white! The three of us were wearing large wooden crosses as necklaces and we were on our knees in prayer.The church was filled with people in front of us, dressed in casual clothes, standing up in prayers but with chaos and loud annoying noise! And then I heard mother Mary speak to me and the two women who were kneeling next to me, I didn’t see her, but I knew she was mother Mary. She said:

“Stay awake through your nights and pray, you have to crawl slowly towards the altar as you pray.

Stay awake through your nights and pray, for the end of times is very near!”

And I remember that we crawled to the altar on our knees as we prayed, but it took us a long time, and before reaching the altar, I woke up!

I’m not pretending to having seen a vision, or to being pure, I’m a normal person with my share of sins and bad doings which I’m ashamed of and I’m trying so hard to make up for them through doing the right thing.

But I was blessed and fortunate enough to see these dreams, and to have my baby. And I needed to share the messages in my dreams with you, maybe they will change your life for the better as they changed mine, and maybe Mother Mary and Lord Jesus, wanted me to share these dreams through my writings.

If you are in doubt, I have been in doubt before. If you are a sinner, I have been one before. If you are lost, I was lost for a long time before. But then, I searched for God! And God was everywhere around me! But I was blinded and I couldn’t see. When I took the decision to open my eyes, I was able to witness his Glory!

His Love is endless and God gives it to all of us, but you have to open your heart to be able to receive it. Pray to be guided to the true path and God shall guide you! Pray for forgiveness, and you shall be forgiven because God is merciful. Pray for justice and you shall be granted… For I have seen the darkness and it’s cold and full of hate and loneliness, and prayed to see the light, and God showed me warmth and kindness. God gave me a family when I had none! He gave me a safe home, when I was almost homeless! He gave me love, when I was begging for love! God has been gracious to me, even when I didn’t deserve it. Because God is my merciful father, and he loves all his children equally , open your hearts to his call, to his whispers  and you will be rewarded an ever lasting treasure in his kingdom.
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-24).193

Missing Kindness (1) Danger Alert! Bed time Stories

“Standing in line at the cashier, with her two kids and a toddler on her arms and holding all the items that she has purchased, she was waiting for her turn. There was only one person in line before her when her baby started crying. As she was trying to calm a baby a woman behind her, asked her in an angry voice whether she was in line! Yes! She said looking at the cashier to find that two lines has formed around her in seconds!!! She was now left out of line, and the cashier told her rudely that she needed to get in line! “That’s what happened with my fellow blogger “M” is for Marriage and Motherhood,! She blogged about it in her post Missing Kindness!, saying: ” This incident made me think that I miss Kindness!… I am feeling sad, upset, and discourage. How come with every passing day there are more and more people caring less and less about simple acts of kindness that make this world so much better.”

“M” shouts out a call for love, for reviving kindness, she asks her readers to join her call for passing on this virtue: “Do you miss Kindness? If so, please, write a post about it and paste the picture on this post to your post. Let’s remember the world how important is to keep this virtue alive, because, indeed, it makes the world a better place! Thank you.

To “M”, with love..

Inspired by your call, I will be writing several posts about why kindness is missing from our world today and how to help it blossom. So here’s part one!

Rana

Do you remember the old days, when people were kind and generous to each others. When everyone went to sleep with their doors opened and kept their car keys in the cars! When young men and women rushed to help the elderly cross the streets, or carried their groceries home ! When women took turn to help their neighbor who has just given birth.When cursing and saying bad words was as awful as a committing a crime! I bet a lot of few wish today was as good as yesterday, and that kindness blossoms again in the hearts . But why wish! Take action now:

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Look around you, there’s almost  a whole generation of people who are not kind, don’t take part of kindness activities for the benefit of the society or even worst: they think kindness is a sign of weakness. and when I say “almost”, it’s because there are still people in this world with good hearts and pure souls trying to help.

  It All Begins With The Children

Children are said to be sponges, at a very young age they start absorbing every little information coming their way!

A small but very serious example is the bed time stories we tell our children before they go to sleep, you know sleep the time when their eyes are closed and their little brains are analyzing in the subconscious every part of the story they just heard, turning it into facts which soon will shape their personality!!!

Let’s take the innocent story of Jack and the Beans for instant:

1-Mother tells Jack to sell the cow to get money, Jack triads the cow for magic beans instead!!: Hence Jack didn’t hear for his mom, and didn’t respect her words!

2-The beans turn out to be magical and grow over night into the sky: Teaching the children that there’s a magical power in this world that defies the power of God ( people look up to the sky when they pray or speak to God)

3- Jack climbs the tree and finds and ogres: The kid is now confused, if God is in the sky , is God the Ogre !

4-Jack steals the pile of Gold from the ogre, his mom is happy because they are not poor anymore! So instead of finding work, and supporting his mother Jack simply steals and they are not poor anymore Hooray! Horay indeed you just taught your kid it’s ok to steal!!

5-Jack and his mom spend all the money so he climbs back and steals the ogre hen which lays golden eggs!! You’re child has now learned that if he steals he won’t be punished! Instead he could go back to more stealing! And hey why study or work for a better future there’s a hen that lay’s golden eggs waiting for him out there to find it or steal it!

6-Again Jack climbs back and steals the ogre’s singing piano but this time the ogre chases him down the beans, Where Jack cuts down the bean, hence killing the ogre, and he and his mom live happily ever after!! So let’s see what we have learned in this final paragraph: Again no one will put you in jail for stealing, on the contrary mom will be happy and while you’re at it it’s ok to kill!! Jack killed the ogre after stealing from him so killing is not so bad! And you know what if you steal and kill you’ll live happily ever after!!

So when you’re innocently helping your child to sleep by telling him “Jack and the beans”you’re actually manipulating your child’s way of thinking and teaching him to:

-To be disrespectful, Not hear what you say, not listen to your advice and follow his own will and in this case the will of a stranger!

-There’s no need to study or work in this life because it’s OK to steal from other people!

-A thief is not punished by law or rejected by society or even yelled at by his own family, Instead he’s free to steal again and again whenever he wants! and there are magical beans somewhere which will solve his problems1

– It’s OK to kill!

The same goes for other bed time stories which are very popular among children and adults sometimes, such as “Aladen and the magic lamp”, “Snow White”, “Cinderella” etc. I bet if you take the time to consider these stories and the moral lessons behind them, you’ll feel guilty for having told your children these stories.

Look behind the lines! Look for the moral lessons behind these stories which are corrupting our youngsters minds! Every night, millions of parents world wide tell their children these stories, and even repeat them for days.

And you wonder  why this generation is mostly corrupted! Why Kindness is Lacking! How do you expect from a child learning that its OK to hurt and harm and steal and kill to be kind! How do you expect from a  whole generation learning these awful acts to grow into loving , caring people who help others!!!

Danger Alert! Save your children, save their future! Next time you’re in the bookshop buying your child a happy ever after fairy tale , Don’t!!!  Life is not happily ever after, life is about the choices we make everyday! And your child needs to learn that there are consequences for bad behavior, and that there’s honesty and love and kindness and that in the future he needs to work hard to achieve his goals and earn a living.

So instead of buying brain damaging, antisocial materials to your kids, be creative! Tell the stories about their ancestors, about how they should respect eldrely people, how theifs get punished, and teach them about God, the merciful, the kind….If you’re not feeling inspired, please take a look at my series”Teach the children”you’ll find some of the stories in the short stories category and in the Christmas stories category and I will be posting more stories soon.

Some inspiring verses from the bible about teaching the children:

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
(2 Timothy 3:14-15 Holy Bible ESV)

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
(Proverbs 22:6 ESV)

for more inspiring verses about children in the bible !please visit http://ministry-to-children.com/bible-verses-about-children/

 

We are not them!

Don’t be afraid my love

Our story is different from theirs

The rain will tell you

that you are my passion

and then, the wind knows it too

Winter realizes how I love you

since the cold, makes me long for your warmth so,

And I know, love

how you stay up in your nights

the moon is my spy, you see

and he told yesterday

how in love you are with me

Don’t be afraid my love

Our story is different from theirs

We live because we love

because we are born in love

And I,

I could feel, your heart pulses

sneaking into my blood

and you,

you could feel me in your heart

setting fire, controlling the beats

you are mine , and I am yours

and tomorrow,

spring will blossom in our dreams

and the sun,

will send its warmth to ignite every hope

and life will always smile…

But in difficulties,

I promise,

In the middle of the rain

I will be there for you

to care and ease your pain

and we will grow stronger

because our love is true

so don’t worry about others, we are not them!

forget you fear, and allow me sir

to keep falling in love with you.

Happy in the heart of Jesus (3) “The pure in heart”!

Jesus Says :”Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God” Matthew 5:8

Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.

BIBLE, Titus 1:15

When I was just a kid, I was very attached to my late grandmother. I used to cry until my parents agree to let me sleep over at her place. During the rainy winter nights, my grandma would let me share her bed, and she would brush my hair with her thin, delicate fingers and tell me stories from the ancient past! I used to fall asleep between her arms forgetting my fear from the storm outside! My Grandma passes away four years ago, may God have mercy on her soul. I’m a grown woman now, a wife and a mother, but I have to admit I’m still afraid of storms, especially during the night! Whenever there’s a storm outside I would curl up in bed and approach my husband who knows my fear, he puts his arms around me and kisses my forehead and keeps hugging me until I fall asleep! Tonight Its a fearful storm outside, the wind is blowing violently, and my husband is working late.

  A phone conversation with an old friend lead to a debate, she insisted that a person should experience all things in life whether good or bad before he makes up his mind of what works for him! I, on the other hand, stressed on the experiences that others had before us, and how they tried to pass on their wisdom to us so that we  avoid falling into the trap of bad experiences! The conversation seemed endless, but we finally agreed to disagree! After I hang up with her, I made myself a warm cup of tea and sat by the side of the fireplace, I was now debating myself whether my opinion was right or wrong! The mood of the warm fire beside me, and the rain falling outside my window reminded me of my grandma, and of a story she used to tell me:

   Long long ago, in a far away land lived a wise king. The king was very much-loved by the people because he was fair, nice and generous. His kingdom was known for being peaceful and wealthy, and the king was known to be a man of God. He was very religious and ruled his kingdom according to the laws of the Lord. The king’s wife passed away after giving birth to a twin boys “Omar” and “Salim”, the king raised his boys to be strong men, and he loved them equally. It was hard for the king and everyone who knew  “Omar”and “Salim” to tell them from each other since they were identical twins! They even used to play tricks on their old man because of their similar appearance. But the king knew that no matter how alike his sons’ looked from the outside, their hearts and their loyalty to laws of God will not be the same.

The king was growing old, and weak and he needed to choose one of his two sons to be the next king. It was a hard choice to make knowing that the two men have shown nothing but courage and good behavior for the past twenty years. The old king had to make sure that the son he chooses to run the kingdom, has to be a man of God, that was the only way that he would treat the people fairly and save them from misery and poverty.

One day the king called his two sons into his chamber, he said: My two sons, you have grown to be brave young men and its time for you to start participating in ruling and protecting your kingdom. I have heard of a strong Empire in the far east, called China. This Empire is known for its strength, and wealth. I’m sending you to China to learn their ways, live among the people and try to figure out the reasons that this Empire is one of the greatest in the world. Maybe we can benefit from its experience and help make our kingdom stronger and better. You’ll be provided with a three-month expenses, and you’ll be leaving tonight. Remember, when you reach China you are no longer the sons of a great king you’ll be the sons of life!

“Omar” and “Salim”started their trip on that same night, and after three months they returned to the kingdom to find their beloved father on the deathbed. Everyone in the kingdom was sad, they loved their king so much, and they were afraid that his sons won’t be as fair and just as him.

The two young men waited outside the king’s chamber as he was informed by their return. The king called his son “Omar” first.

– Come “Omar” sit by my side, I’m a dying man I can’t see or hear very well.

-” Yes Father!” Omar said sadly.

-Tell me of your journey my son. What do you think about China? Why is this Empire so strong?

-But father, this isn’t the time for stories!

-Come on son, you were my eyes in that far land, show your dying father what he has failed to see!

-” Very well father!”Said Omar with a broken voice, “China is a land of love, work and religion. Everybody there live to work and pray, they all love each other and share good things. They treated me as if I’m one of them, opened their homes and hosted me. I think that were this Empire’s strength comes from. Their strong belief in God and his laws give them strength.

-Very well “Omar”I have heard what you think, now I need to see through the eyes of “Salim”, send your brother in please!

“Salim” went into his father’s chamber, as “Omar”waited outside worrying about his father’s health.

– Come “Salim” sit by my side, I’m  a dying man I can’t see or hear very well.

-“Bless you father” Salim replied sadly.

-Tell me of your journey to China my son, did you find out why this empire is so strong?

– This Empire is guarded by the devil father!

-Why do you say that “Salim”?

-People in China, are bad, they spent their time in hurting others, stealing and killing! Prostitution is everywhere! They make a living by invading helpless villagers, raping their women and killing the children. No one dares to attack such an evil empire, that’s why it’s so strong!!

– “very well Salim” the wise king replied, “I have seen China through your eyes indeed but now I need to rest for a while, I’m tired and weak!”

-“Bless you father!”Salim said as he kissed his father’s hand and left his room.

Two days later, the king called for his sons. As the two brothers entered their father’s chamber they were surprised by the huge crowd of ministers and consultants in the room, usually their father talks to them in private!

-Come now my sons, I’m too weak to tell the difference between you. “Omar come and sit to my right. “Salim” come and sit to my left. As you know my boys, I’m dying and I need to think about my kingdom and who will rule it after I’m gone. One of you is going to be the next king, usually the kingdom is ruled by the elder son, but since you’re twins I had to make a choice! You’re trip to China was a test for both of you, to see who is worthy of ruling this kingdom and serving the people.

“My sons, he who is pure see’s everything pure because his pure spirit leads him to be where the good exists! Omar, you have a pure spirit that’s why you went to good places in China, were love exists and people are kind and religious! Salim, Alas my son, it breaks my heart that you have chosen the wrong path away from God! Your soul is not pure, it lead you to the places where the devil lives, you have seen only the wickedness in Man because that’s where your soul chose to be! “

And I remember every time my grandma reaches this part of the story, she would look into my eyes and ask me: Who do you think the king chose between his two sons to rule the kingdom?

– “Omar” I would answer.

And why he chose Omar?

-“Because he’s good! ” I’d reply so innocently !

and My grandma would smile and say : “Yes! Because: Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.”

Now I’m smiling! I finish my tea and wash my cup and dry  it, the debate within me came an end, I know I’m right! We don’t have to try bad things to know that it’s bad for us. God has taught us what is right and what is wrong and gave us the enough intelligence to distinguish between them, but making that choice is eventually up to us.

The Versatile Blogger Award, Once more!!!

Well here we go again! My second nomination for the Versatile blogger Award, and I’m still as excited as a child 🙂

Thank you Tya Khan for nominating me! Please visit Expressions in a Tcup by Tya Khan and check out some of her work!

And for the rest of the rules of the contest please check my earlier post the Versatile Blogger Award for my nominations: https://ranaarmoush.wordpress.com/2011/12/30/the-versatile-blogger-award/

As for the rules:

1.Add a picture of the award to this post.

2.Thank who nominated you.

3.Nominate 15 other Bloggers and inform those 15 they have been nominated.

4.Share 7 random facts about yourself.

 

A Wedding In Wonderland!

Re-blogged from  Photo Nature Blog (http://photonatureblog.com/2012/01/13/snowy-river/)

Snowy River January 13, 2012

Last week my fellow blogger Photo Nature Blog posted this amazing photo on his blog. The first time I saw it I was speechless, for the first time in my life I wasn’t able to put two words together to give the talented photographer the complement he deserves. I commented on the photo by simply saying “speechless”, and felt that this word replaces thousands of complements!

But for some reason, I wasn’t able to delete the memory of this photo from my mind, nor to distract myself from thinking about it! That was weird to me since I’m not much of a snow person, I actually don’t like winter and can’t wait until spring replaces it! So why couldn’t I stop thinking about this precise photo? Well it’s simple “I was inspired”! Something inside my head kept shouting out, wanting to describe the beauty that this lens has captured, therefore I wrote:

My eager thoughts abandoned me , in a moment time has stopped!

Eyes wide open, I was looking around,

Is this a dream?

or a vision of what heaven might be?

Frozen beauty surrounding me, angel corals singing from above

Trees, just like shy brides, dressed in White!

I wonder where the groom might be

Nature is invited to witness this love,

Even the lake sang most beautifully

Snow fairies flying around, sending kisses of refreshing cold

Oh my!  how this cold feels warm inside, I’m beholding God’s touch of beauty

Blessed I felt, among Man, to be here on this glorious day

when winter weds this part of Earth, and grants thee such wonderful grace,

I wanted to skate, just like the whisperers of the elegant breathe

touching the surface of that fluffy crust with nothing but may bare feet!

I gaze around, in so much joy! “Oh winter! You talented painter you!

An artist!

What a wonderful piece work!

Have I fallen back in love with you?

Oh winter! You’ve awaken my soul, and the poet that has been sleeping for a while inside of me!

Oh Winter! Ever so slow in you reactions, oh how wise of you

to stop your journey and take your time and paint

the most beautiful painting I’ve seen!

With my feet dipped in snow, and my body shivering with that warming cold,

A snow fake lands on a tree branch next to me!

I reach for it, with a delicate hand

but something within awakens me!

Alas! I wasn’t in wonderland!

I was in a dream inside a photo

a talented photographer has captured this scene!

Alas! It felt so real though, that I’ll never forget this wedding celebration

When the trees, dressed in white, held hands with snow and said “I do” !

Soon you’ll be leaving on your honeymoon, As springs sets foot and replaces You!

Today I’m Sad

Today I’m sad! As if my heart wanted to share the  whispers of the rain falling out side my window.  Sadness, This feeling inside that I try to avoid.  I learned to fight it as hard as I can, and I always declare its defeat as I succeed in putting back a smile on my face, and lighting up the hearts of the people around me.

But today, I have no strength to fight back! I sit silently by my window side, staring at the angry nature. I could almost feel the pain of the trees, as the wind viciously tears their leaves one by one!

I’m a person of joy, and hope! But today, I gave in to that little tear begging me to set it free, so it could run down my cheeks. Through my foggy eyes, I catch a glimpse of a stray cat, meowing in pain, calling for help, seeking a shelter from this upset storm. I wished I could offer her shelter for sometime, but as lightning filled up the sky I was distracted from my thoughts, and then thunder strikes!  It felt as If a dagger is stabbed into my heart! Someone I love is hurting, someone I love is in pain, and there’s nothing I can do to help! Destiny has been unfair to him! I wipe my tears, and look up into the skies, through the clouds my spirit flies and I hear myself saying out loud “: Oh forgive me Lord I know you shall comfort him, my merciful father forgive my earthly doubt. ”

I light a candle and place it beside the pictures of my beloved saints, “Dear lord ” I prayed “please ease his pain, grant him your justice, your protection is all he needs, accept my prayers my heavenly father, Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”Amen

The phone rings, interrupting the cruel silence that took over my house, once more I wipe my tears, clear my throat, draw a smile on my face and answer an eager friend with a fake pleasant voice.

Baby Blues Attack!

I’ve been having the feeling that something is just not right about my life lately!

Two days ago, after I finished my shower, I was drying my hair in front of the mirror, when I saw a pair of scissors on the shelf next to me and the craziest idea popped into my mind! I grabbed the scissors and started chopping my long, beautiful, just recently highlighted hair!

After I was done, reality punched its cruel fist at me! What have I done! I knew I was going through one of my famous blackout moments! Cutting my hair was my way of dealing with blues, the hardest types of blues, since I was 17 years old! Every two or 3 years, I get this insane feeling, the need, the urge, to cut my lovely hair! and I start growing it all over again!

I had to sit down for a while, sipping a cup of dark coffee and writing down a list of my life’s recent highlights, some sort of reality check!

1- My marriage: a very happy marriage, so this is not the reason.

2-My home: one of those dream houses, again not the reason.

3- Our family: all are very supportive, and caring.No not it.

4-My health: very well, thanks God!

5- My dreams: most of them came true, the others are on their way!

6-My daughter: An angel! I can’t imagine someone who loves her baby more than me! But since she was born, I haven’t been able to get anything accomplished! It seems as if my life is rotating around this tiny creature! I haven’t had any “ME” time, and If I go out with my husband and leave her with someone, I feel heart-broken as if I have done a terrible act of selfishness and I’m not worthy of being a mother! When she cries and I don’t succeed in comforting her “which happens sometimes”  My tears start dropping like the Niagara Falls!

So that’s it! It’s the Evil effect of that horrible baby blues ! And one would think that after 3 months of delivery this won’t happen! After I gave birth to Anna, I was glad not to have the pleasure of getting face to face with the famous baby blues that everyone talks about! but, here it is! a delayed unhappy surprise! And my poor hair paid the price! Why new moms get the baby blues any way?  Google once again offered me the answer: “Having a baby is stressful—no matter how much you’ve looked forward to it or how much you love your child. Considering the sleep deprivation, new responsibilities, and lack of time for yourself, it’s no surprise that a lot of new moms feel like they’re on an emotional roller coaster. ” (http://helpguide.org/)

It’s funny how good it felt after I cut my hair!  Yes its true I made a mess and I needed to get myself to the nearest hairstylist  to clean it up!  ” Once you know that I’m a Gemini you’ll not encounter this behavior as weird”. I know it’s just a phase that will fade away, because I’m a healthy young woman with a supportive husband and a loving family, and because I thank God everyday for the blessing of being a mother and having a wonderful baby girl like Anna. Babies grow up in a blink! I remember I used to hear my grandma tell my mom”Be patient, one day you’ll close your eyes and when you open them you’ll notice they have grown! ” My grandma had Ten children, My mom had four, and I’m struggling with this little angle! God bless the previous generations, we are a generation of spoiled mothers I tell you! We women know that, but we keep it a secret from our men! shhhh…

I was caught by surprise when my husband suddenly opened the front door! “Someone give me a hat!!!!! ” I thought to myself! He stood in the entrance staring on what used to be an amazing long hair, and which looks now like a piece of agricultural land which has been harvest in the driest day of the season!

Later that night, I was sipping wine and eating chestnuts by our fire-place with the great man I married, enjoying my new, improved hair cut “After my stylist saved my life off course! Thank you Makram!”

Cheers My Love!

Cheers my love,

You had me smile again,

In the kindness of your heart

I found the cure of all my pain…

All the darkness of my past,

you wiped out…

You had me learn, that

every bitter night I once lived ,

every tear I once wept

Every day I spent before we met

were not a part of my life,

I now define “life”: the day I met you!

Cheers, raise your glass with me,

it’s a toast of gratitude that we’re in love,

It’s been a year since we joined our souls, and lives

I recap,

our smiles, our hugs,

our silly fights, our late night dinners,

my tears, and your soothing touch,

This year, like the one before,

you’re the best gift I ever got!

I pray that my gift will be the same next year, and for years to come,

Cheers my love!

you lighten my burdens, you brighten my days,

because of you I’m a happier woman,

in so many ways,

Let’s say our prayers,

and drink our wine,

It’s enough for me to know

that in this new year,

you’ll still be, All mine…

Cheers!