Baby Blues Attack!

I’ve been having the feeling that something is just not right about my life lately!

Two days ago, after I finished my shower, I was drying my hair in front of the mirror, when I saw a pair of scissors on the shelf next to me and the craziest idea popped into my mind! I grabbed the scissors and started chopping my long, beautiful, just recently highlighted hair!

After I was done, reality punched its cruel fist at me! What have I done! I knew I was going through one of my famous blackout moments! Cutting my hair was my way of dealing with blues, the hardest types of blues, since I was 17 years old! Every two or 3 years, I get this insane feeling, the need, the urge, to cut my lovely hair! and I start growing it all over again!

I had to sit down for a while, sipping a cup of dark coffee and writing down a list of my life’s recent highlights, some sort of reality check!

1- My marriage: a very happy marriage, so this is not the reason.

2-My home: one of those dream houses, again not the reason.

3- Our family: all are very supportive, and caring.No not it.

4-My health: very well, thanks God!

5- My dreams: most of them came true, the others are on their way!

6-My daughter: An angel! I can’t imagine someone who loves her baby more than me! But since she was born, I haven’t been able to get anything accomplished! It seems as if my life is rotating around this tiny creature! I haven’t had any “ME” time, and If I go out with my husband and leave her with someone, I feel heart-broken as if I have done a terrible act of selfishness and I’m not worthy of being a mother! When she cries and I don’t succeed in comforting her “which happens sometimes”  My tears start dropping like the Niagara Falls!

So that’s it! It’s the Evil effect of that horrible baby blues ! And one would think that after 3 months of delivery this won’t happen! After I gave birth to Anna, I was glad not to have the pleasure of getting face to face with the famous baby blues that everyone talks about! but, here it is! a delayed unhappy surprise! And my poor hair paid the price! Why new moms get the baby blues any way?  Google once again offered me the answer: “Having a baby is stressful—no matter how much you’ve looked forward to it or how much you love your child. Considering the sleep deprivation, new responsibilities, and lack of time for yourself, it’s no surprise that a lot of new moms feel like they’re on an emotional roller coaster. ” (http://helpguide.org/)

It’s funny how good it felt after I cut my hair!  Yes its true I made a mess and I needed to get myself to the nearest hairstylist  to clean it up!  ” Once you know that I’m a Gemini you’ll not encounter this behavior as weird”. I know it’s just a phase that will fade away, because I’m a healthy young woman with a supportive husband and a loving family, and because I thank God everyday for the blessing of being a mother and having a wonderful baby girl like Anna. Babies grow up in a blink! I remember I used to hear my grandma tell my mom”Be patient, one day you’ll close your eyes and when you open them you’ll notice they have grown! ” My grandma had Ten children, My mom had four, and I’m struggling with this little angle! God bless the previous generations, we are a generation of spoiled mothers I tell you! We women know that, but we keep it a secret from our men! shhhh…

I was caught by surprise when my husband suddenly opened the front door! “Someone give me a hat!!!!! ” I thought to myself! He stood in the entrance staring on what used to be an amazing long hair, and which looks now like a piece of agricultural land which has been harvest in the driest day of the season!

Later that night, I was sipping wine and eating chestnuts by our fire-place with the great man I married, enjoying my new, improved hair cut “After my stylist saved my life off course! Thank you Makram!”

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Happy In The Heart Of Jesus(2) “The Joy Of Forgiveness”

In Matthew 6:14-15 Jesus says, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

It was a sunny morning, some how warmer than the day before. Little Angelina opened her eyes, and looked outside the window. She was happy to see that the wind has stopped blowing violently, and that yesterday’s storm left in defeat leaving behind the most incredible crust of white snow. She got dressed in a hurry, full with excitement, remembering her Mom‘s promise “If it snows this year , I will buy you the lovely pink skate board you’ve always wanted!

She ran downstairs, the smell of morning coffee coming out of the kitchen informed her that her dad is awake. “Good morning Angy, did you look outside this morning”

Yes! There’s snow everywhere!”She replied in excitement.”And Mama promised to buy me the pink skate board I wanted if it snows!”I’m gonna wake her up right now!”

Angy soon woke her mother up, demanding her of the gift she has promised!

An hour later, Angy went to town with her mom. They were entering the ski equipment store when they met Mrs. Davis.

Mrs. Davis was their neighbor, a seventy year old woman, with grey hair and yellow teeth. Angy never liked Mrs. Davis, she always refused to say hello when Mrs. Davis visit them, she thought to herself “She’s old and ugly and has really bad smell!” But her mother insists that she has to be kind to old people, and be polite no matter what. She remembers that her mom, delivers a warm dish to Mrs. Davis house every time she cooks a nice meal. Angy asked her once why she does that and her mom said ” I feel delighted when I share a meal with our neighbors, especially Mrs. Davis because she’s living alone and sometimes she gets sick and can not cook, so she calls me and I drop by her house with a warm meal and help her with some chores. You should come with me next time you’ll enjoy it! “But Angy never understood how cooking for a stranger and clean their house could be fun!

Mrs. Davis wasn’t alone at the store, along was her friend Mrs. Springfield. “My best friend since we were thirty years old” said Mrs. Davis introducing her friend to Angy’s mom!

“”It’s an honor” her mom said smiling at the two old ladies.

Inside the store Angy and her mom were busy looking for the right skate board, Angy wondered away from where her mother was standing, into a row of colorful ski shoes. From the shelf behind her, she could hear two old ladies gossip “Yes, that’s right! Whenever I don’t feel like cooking, or whenever I want to save some money on food or I want to get my house clean, I call her!

But why does she do all that for you!

“I pretend to be sick, and she thinks she’s helping an old helpless woman! She doesn’t know I’m in better health than her!

Her friend giggles in sarcasm, but was surprised to see Angy’ head  popping out from behind the shelve and looking shocked! she nods at Mrs. Davis to look, and both of them blush in embarrassment! Mrs. Davis was sure that Angy was going to tell her mom of what she’s heard!

And Angy did tell her mom, she was so angry, so furious as she was explaining to her mom the details of what has happened. Her mother listened silently. When Angy finished talking, she was expecting to see her mother mad, and that she would call Mrs. Davis and tell her she knows all about her evil plans. Instead, her mom smiled at her, and asked”So, wouldn’t you like to try your lovely skate board before the snow melts down!

Angy didn’t understand her mother’s reaction “But mom!”

“come on, go outside and play before it gets dark!

The next morning, Angy’s mom woke her up at eight A.M “Come on Angy, you’re coming with me today!”

“Where”Angy asked while rubbing her sleepy eyes.

“You’ll see, now get dressed baby”her mother replied as she left the room and walked down stairs.

Her mom held her hand, and in the other hand she was holding a plastic bag. They walked for two blocks and then crossed the street towards and old wooden house. Angy was wondering where was her mom taking her in this early morning!

Her mother rang the bell, and they stood waiting for someone to answer the door. The door soon opened, and to Angy’s big surprise it was Mrs. Davis at the door! “Maybe my mom came here to ask her why she said what she said, or maybe she’s here to tell her that she’s not doing her anymore favors!”Angy thought to herself.

“Goodmorning Mrs. Davis, how are you this morning” The mother said with a smile.

“Fine thank you”Mrs. Davis replied, looking confused “please come in”She invited them.

Inside, Angy sat by mother’s side on an old grey sofa. “Everything in this house is very old, even the sofa’s”She thought.

“I brought you some steak with boiled vegetables and a mushroom soup! I hope you’ll like them!”Angy and Mrs. Davis both looked at her in suprise “what’s my mom thinking” Angy asked herself.

“I’m sure her daughter told her, why is she still so nice!”Mrs. Davis thought silently.

“Angy”, Mrs. Davis said” loulou my puppy is feeling lonely in the kitchen, can you play with her while I talk to your mother

Angy looked at her mother, who nodded in approval.

In the kitchen, Angy didn’t play with loulou, instead she stood behind the door, listening to the conversation which was taking place in the next room.

She heard Mrs. Davis apologize for her rude behavior, and confess that she was pretending to be sick to get warm meals, and a clean house. She said she was sorry, and she feels very ashamed, and regrets it. and asked for forgiveness.

Her mother’s answer was “If any one forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile.”Angy told me what happened and I’m not here to accuse you, I’m here to help you as I have always did, whether you’re sick or not.”

She could hear Mrs. Davis voice change, now it’s filled with regret and sadness “Will you forgive me dear”she asked “I’m terribly sorry”.

“I know you are, that’s why I want you to forget what happened. and let’s carry on the way we were before, but at least now I don’t have to worry about you being ill, it’s comforting to know that you’re in a good health.

On their way back, Angy was unusually quite.”What’s wrong Angy”her Mother asked.

In hesitation she answered”I don’t understand mama

“You don’t understand what baby

How can you forgive someone who was talking behind you back, and was using you and lying to you

Her mother smiled down at her” but Any, we’re human too and we have our share of mistakes and wrong doings, God will show us the same mercy we show to others! If we forgive those who hurt us, God will forgive us as well. That ‘what our lord Jesus taught us!

“But why do you seem so happy and calm, although she did all those bad things!

It’s the joy of forgiveness honey, when you forgive someone you feel happy and proud, you’ll be truly happy in the heart of Jesus!.

God is mercy, think about all the times you prayed in regret and asked that your sins be forgiven. And  How peaceful and happy you feel after praying. This month, try to be merciful as your heavenly father, try to clear your heart from grudges and forgive, believe me its you who’s winning every time you forgive, because a sin is being deleted from your page in heaven at that very moment. That’s one way to be Happy in the Heart Of Jesus!

Rana Armoush

Pictures displayed on this blog are taken from Google, and  or from different sites. The writer of this blog, doesn’t claim any copyrights of the above pictures.