And you said ” Ma..ma”!!!

smile my baby girl,

your smile is magical, it cures mama’s heart

smile my baby girl,

giggle, laugh and play…

bringing life to my life, you seem to master this art

there’s no joy greater than the one I’m feeling today

your little lips imitating my morning song,

my little random babbling parrot,

your little lips my baby, managed to come together

and say the word I’ve been dreaming to hear for so long

” Ma…Maaa” you said it so innocently,

and you made my heart dance with your little smile of victory

staring deep inside your grey eyes, makes feel so strong

hearing you say ” Mama” was better than I ever thought it would be

a little tear tinkled my eyes as I held you and danced

but I refused to let it out, you’ll never see your mama cry

maybe on your graduation party, as you celebrate your degree

or on your wedding day, I might shed a tear ( or cry for nights after you leave)

As I stand with you , doing your veil, feeling so proud of the most beautiful girl…

Oh my god, I’ve gotten so carried away

my future just flashed in colors, and I saw you in years to come

all because of one little word

you cured mama’s heart

you little lovely being ,you seem to master this art:)

 

 

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Her Identity says : MOM, nothing more!!!

Her Identity says : MOM, nothing more!!!.

Her hair is a mess, dressed in her pijamas still,

A mop in her hand cleaning the spilled milk cup, which lies on the kitchen floor

trying to to have time not to burn the eggs on the stove

running from room to room to get them dressed, wondering whether she was living a dream!

four little children making the biggest mess

school bus is almost there, and nothing as always is ready yet

No time to think about her sours , to time for herself!

She breathes in deep trying to control her rebellious nerves

she breathes out with a prayer: God give me the strength!

a few minutes later and they are on their way to school

the house suddenly empty! and the sound of silence gives her the chills

My mother drinks her cup of coffee and stares deep inside her soul

her identity is not clear to her anymore,

she only knows she’s a mother of four,

she thinks as she rests her aching feet,

she even forgets to answer to her name when she’s called

She’s used to being called: mom, and nothing more!

STOP!!!! 5 minutes already gone!!

I found out that my fellow blogger Colline has written a post for a weekly challenge, hosted by another fellow blogger, I like her post and the idea so much that I decided to participate!!!

(This post is written for the Five Minute Friday Challenge hosted by The Gypsy Mama. The main idea is for Participants to write for 5 minutes with no editing, no over thinking, and no looking back. This week’s Challenge is about: Identity)

My name is Rana, And I’m not a terrorist!

Yes my friends I am an Arab, a Lebanese who is proud of her country and her nationality. I’m writing this post after reading the post of my fellow blogger Aisha, who felt annoyed after watching a video on you tube, where a Muslim girl in veil appeared and the comments on that video were insulting to the girl and her religion.`

Unfortunately the stereo types of Muslims and Arabs that the media has spread around the world caused this! And after 9/11 the situation exploded! Hearts were filled with hatred and revenge. Since then when you mention the word Arab outside the Arabian countries the first picture that pops into minds is a person with a long beard, wrapped in old clothes, riding on a camel with a pistol on his side, and is ready to kill, rape and destroy in the name of God!!! And you are not to blame for having such an imagination, because Media ( Be it T.V or internet or any other form , has been planting this image in your minds since years ago). Now most of you have seen photos of me and my family, I mean come on do we look like we’ve been in the desert riding camels? or do we have the looks of a terrorist?

In my country Lebanon we have tasted the bitter cup of civil wars for over than thirty years, and we learned the hard way that this wasn’t the way of God! But the ways of the devil himself!!! We were fighting each other and killing each other in the name of God, when did God ask us to kill in his name?Show me in any religion in the world did God say it’s ok to kill? I thank God everyday that I was not yet born during that awful phase of our history. I’m unable to harm an ant!

And those people who kill and harm in the name of God, are led by the devil .  They know nothing about the Lord and his commandments,

John 13:34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

As  an Arab Christian I feel insulted when someone insults the muslims in my country, because they are my brothers in humanity and my neighbors. And I keep in mind what my lord Jesus taught me:Mark 12:31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Since pictures speak louder than words, allow me my friends to post a picture that will tell it all about Lebanon.

Bless you.

The Most Loving Heart

If Someone loves you for who you are

be you beautiful or ugly

Loves you even more than your mother or father or spouse would ever do

If Someone is there for you your whole life

through the bitter and sweet

and even when every body else shuts their doors in your face

this someone will be near you to wipe your tears and promise you

of better days, and  a better place

If this someone forgives you

even though you hurt him

it’s enough to be truly sorry and be sure to never do it again

he’s the best friend you’ll ever find in your joy and even in your pain

He knows your secrets even if you don’t tell him,

he knows your plans,

the roads you take, even the very word your thinking right now

needn’t you say!

He always does what is best for you, even though most of the times

you’ll doubt his ways

he keeps telling you to ask of him

and he shall give you what you ask for

all you have to do is believe that he’s always there for you

I bet you’re wondering now: Oh really? As if such a person exists!! Show me someone like that and I’ll never let go of him… right?

My friend, can’t you feel him already?don’t open your eyes and gaze around! see with your heart, there you’ll find him. Perfect in all his existence, the greatest heart of all times. The most loving , forgiving, father and friend. Trust in God my friend, he’s all that and much more than my poor pen could bare to write. Now that you found him, never let go of him…

Another Random Thought!

Quote

We’re merely visitors on this earth, guests who are destined to one day leave. Be polite enough to maintain this earth pure and nice and to thank God for hosting us on one of his planets.

Rana

A random thought…

Everyday your ship drifts further,

away from my shores and into the wide open sea

I’m afraid, that one day you’ll decide to come back home,

but you won’t find me there…

Dear Diary, I love him to be…

Dear Diary,

Every day, I write him over your pages

and later,  I erase him!

I remember the day I was born from his breath,

the day our souls united

then, I write him  again …

And I love him even though he doesn’t have a clear identity in my life

even though there’s no map to his existence

nor a Specific description of how he spreads his soul over the zones of my being

I love him! but,Words are no longer able to deliver  meanings..

I love him without the illusions of fairy tales,

Without logic

even Without madness !!

I love him, just so we can be

I love him just so we can be

To be

And I remember the day I sipped him with my wine into my blood

and became addicted to his scent.

Dear diary,

blame not, my foolish fever of love,

since I know he loves me.

even though I’m a woman of contradictions,

a hundred person dressed as one

he loves me still

Without insanity, without delirium

he Loves me just so we can be

And I love him to be …

Oh diary, my trust worthy friend…

hear my secret and pass it to none

The day I met him,

I disobeyed  all the traditions of my tribe

And neglected all the advises of the elderly

I erased every word written in my past

and I spread out my hand to his,

turned my back and walked away from my village..

Now I’m confused diary,

a woman rejected by her past,

scared of her future,

a woman with nothing in her pockets, but a moment in present

Shall I fight for a love that might never be,

Shall I go back to what once was,

or shall I continue living in a dream

and just love him, so we can be…

Passion

O people of this village

Do not think that I came here

to sell the remains of love

sticking to the tail of my dress …

open not your mouth, in shock

Hide not the eyes of your children

If their eyes explored the details of my aching body.

the brown wheat in your fields

is addicted to my perfume

and the flames of your burning summer

awakens the lust for life

that sleeps in my veins

I’m the widow of injustice

walking your streets,

Wearing the thirst of years

and years of sadness

I come in peace

to revive in you

What once lived in you

What now dies in you

The “Passion for life.”

Dancing On The Shore Of Illusion!

Dance with me…

On the shores of this amazing illusion,

pull me closer to you

whisper to me,

that you love me…

teach me all the required steps

to master this dance

I want to give my best performance tonight…

Help me to learn the melody

of those yellow leaves scattered under our feet…

to enjoy the tenderness of the sand…

Dance with me…

Help me to break free,

Save me

from the bloody wire of thorns they wrapped around my waist

I’m the soft breath of early summer in my land

A butterfly,

who feels so weak, I have been captured by hand…

they took my voice, my clothes, and burnt down my house

they killed the children in my village

and covered the fields in black

they even threatened the sun,

and the moon was too scared to come out at night

they hushed the mothers , so nobody hears them cry!

But they couldn’t take my pen away,

nor my ability to smile,

they were surprised that I can dance still,

when my feet are wrapped in chains

They didn’t know that injured birds also sing

they sing so lovely even when in pain

they didn’t know that earth will continue its tour

and the sun is waiting to meet us again!

They forgot that God is more powerful than their weapons

and that the will of the poor and sad will one day win

I promised to keep writing and dancing

Even when I’m dancing in pain

So, Dance with me tonight!

Let your words be my music

and your voice, a rhythm

Teach me to dance, teach me..

bring me closer to your breath,

And only then, step back and leave me

Never lay a kiss on my virgin lips

never set a sigh

never crave a sensitive touch,

my perfume

or a look

from my sad eyes,

All I want for tonight

Is a moment of transparency

maybe tomorrow we won’t be here

and you

and me

we’ll be, two travelers

searching for their country

for a home, to their never-ceasing nostalgia,

two strangers,

Who once met, and danced for a brief,

in sad harmony

on the shores of an illusion..

It’s Time To Share This: Lord Jesus and Mother Mary in my dreams

I have been holding back on sharing some dreams I had during my pregnancy about Lord Jesus and Mother Mary, the reason I was not sharing these dreams is that I was afraid to be misunderstood.

As some of you know by now, I haven’t been a christian for so long. In fact, I first read the bible one year ago, because I wanted to learn more about the religion of the man I married. And reading the bible was the best thing that has ever happened in my life! I found love, in Jesus teachings. and in his actions I found peace, justice, forgiveness and light. I found a lamp so peaceful, that even as they crucified him he was praying for them!

One day, on our honeymoon, my husband accompanied me to Saint Charble’s Church.Knowing that I wanted a baby so desperately he asked me to pray and ask that the Lord blesses me with a child. And I did! I prayed with all my heart and soul that day. And that’s how my story with these holly dreams began ( If not to anyone else, these dreams are holly to me)

First dream: Anna-Elisabeth!

A few days after returning from praying in Saint Charble’s Church, I found out I was pregnant! Me and my husband were both excited and extremely grateful. I said to him on that evening: I want the name of the child to have the meaning of gratefulness , thankful for the merciful God for this wonderful gift. The only name that popped into my mind was “Grace” if the baby was to be a girl! The next day my husband came home with a printed list of names for babies  from the internet in different languages.I fell asleep while reading the list, and I had my first inspirational dream!

I saw myself in the back seat of our car, my husband driving and the seat beside him was empty! I was wondering why I was in the back seat when he suddenly stopped at a building site. There, stood a young woman with long black hair, wearing the safety hat of engineers. My husband got out of the car, hugged her and brought her back to the car to meet me. She looked exactly like him, but a feminine version! She held her hand out to me and said : I’m Hannah -Elisabeth , It’s nice to meet you. And suddenly the car was driving backwards, with me still in the back seat  feeling afraid, when I saw the hat of an engineer and her engineering manuscripts beside me!

That moment I woke up! I asked my husband ( who happens to be an engineer) If he knew someone named ” Anna- Elisabeth” at work. He said he didn’t even know that those two names go together! He googled the names and the surprise was  “Hannah: The Hebrew name Hannah means – gracious: Bible: the mother of Samuel”

“Elisabeth:Elizabeth or Elisabeth is the Greek translation of the Hebrew name Elisheva, meaning “God’s promise,” “oath of God,” or “I am God’s daughter.” Women in the Bible: Elizabeth, prophetess, cousin of Mary of Nazareth, mother of John the Baptist.

You are free to think that this was a coincidence or a regular dream, but to me it felt like an inspiration.  A few weeks pregnant and I was sure that I was carrying a baby girl, who I will be naming “Anna- Elisabeth”

Second Dream: Mother Mary and Lord Jesus

After learning about my pregnancy, I was feeling very emotional that one evening I suggested to my husband the idea of adopting a child!! My husband was very surprised, and he literary said: You’re going to be a mother soon, and you’ll barely have time for one baby. Why do you want to adopt!!

I felt sad from his response, although now I see how logical and right he was. I prayed for mother Mary before I went to sleep. I prayed to her to guide me, and show me the right path, and to help me decide on what religion I shall raise my baby!

I don’t remember if I had the dream that very night or the next night, but here’s what I saw in my dream:

I Saw mother Mary, wearing blue, and with a white veil on her hair. She didn’t talk to me, she just smiled at me and looked towards where her son “Lord Jesus”was standing! It was an open blue space with clouds, just like the sky. And Jesus was standing beside what seemed to be a fireplace. But there was no fire in that fireplace, instead there were a lot of glass bottles, each with a spirit trapped inside! Jesus was opening the bottles one by one, and setting the spirits free. Whenever a spirit left a bottle it turned into a pigeon and flied away! Right next to Jesus, stood a little boy, dressed in blue as well. He seemed to be instructing Lord Jesus on opening the bottles.

I said to Jesus: Forgive me Lord, but why is this little student instructing you! Shouldn’t you know better than him!

Then I saw Jesus approaching me with a smile and such a heavenly face. He said: sometimes we need to listen to the students, there’s a lot to learn from them!

and then Jesus spread both hands to me, and in the palm of each hand he was carrying a little girl, in the size of a hand! He was giving me the two girls when I woke up!

I was laying in bed, the room was empty, my husband beside me. but then I saw the face of Saint Charble, asking me to sleep on the shape of a cross.

I spread out my two arms , joined my legs and slept on the shape of a cross until morning!

My Third Dream: Mother Mary’s  Message to me

My third dream was during my last trimester of pregnancy. I saw myself with two young women, kneeling inside the door of a large church. We were dressed in clothes of nuns but not black and white! I was wearing brown and white, one of the girls was wearing olive green and white, and the other grey and white! The three of us were wearing large wooden crosses as necklaces and we were on our knees in prayer.The church was filled with people in front of us, dressed in casual clothes, standing up in prayers but with chaos and loud annoying noise! And then I heard mother Mary speak to me and the two women who were kneeling next to me, I didn’t see her, but I knew she was mother Mary. She said:

“Stay awake through your nights and pray, you have to crawl slowly towards the altar as you pray.

Stay awake through your nights and pray, for the end of times is very near!”

And I remember that we crawled to the altar on our knees as we prayed, but it took us a long time, and before reaching the altar, I woke up!

I’m not pretending to having seen a vision, or to being pure, I’m a normal person with my share of sins and bad doings which I’m ashamed of and I’m trying so hard to make up for them through doing the right thing.

But I was blessed and fortunate enough to see these dreams, and to have my baby. And I needed to share the messages in my dreams with you, maybe they will change your life for the better as they changed mine, and maybe Mother Mary and Lord Jesus, wanted me to share these dreams through my writings.

If you are in doubt, I have been in doubt before. If you are a sinner, I have been one before. If you are lost, I was lost for a long time before. But then, I searched for God! And God was everywhere around me! But I was blinded and I couldn’t see. When I took the decision to open my eyes, I was able to witness his Glory!

His Love is endless and God gives it to all of us, but you have to open your heart to be able to receive it. Pray to be guided to the true path and God shall guide you! Pray for forgiveness, and you shall be forgiven because God is merciful. Pray for justice and you shall be granted… For I have seen the darkness and it’s cold and full of hate and loneliness, and prayed to see the light, and God showed me warmth and kindness. God gave me a family when I had none! He gave me a safe home, when I was almost homeless! He gave me love, when I was begging for love! God has been gracious to me, even when I didn’t deserve it. Because God is my merciful father, and he loves all his children equally , open your hearts to his call, to his whispers  and you will be rewarded an ever lasting treasure in his kingdom.
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-24).193