Help! I Think My Brain Is Leaking!!!

I’m totally technology proof! I’m always out of date when it comes to anything having to do with technology. I always catch up late, if ever! And you know all these technological terms that people nowadays use, I don’t understand the majority of it! Talk to me about poetry, and I will love you. About history, and I can go on for hours listing the history of most well-known nations, wars, epidemics… Arts, philosophy, psychology, you name it and I have the needed information. But not technology! That word is so heavy on my ears!

Whenever someone discusses anything related to this subject I feel like the lazy kid who sits in the back of the class, half asleep, with no idea of what the teacher is talking about, praying that she doesn’t ask him any questions!

To make things even worst, my husband is an electron mechanical engineer with a passion for technology! While I surf the net for poetry, literature and philosophy, he surfs it for the latest upgrades, inventions, computer programs! When he manages to download a rare application he’s as happy as a child on a Christmas morning! Some days, he would come home, excited to show me the latest technology he downloaded into his N8( this phone is his spoiled baby boy!) and I start nodding, and saying :” hmm! Wow! “you know like someone who gets it, but in fact I’m not even there! I’d be thinking about my baby’s diaper, or what to have for dinner! And then the deadly questions are asked:

-Do you like it( off course I nod in approval to God knows what!)

-Isn’t it something (I know) ,

-Do you know its a break through in the history of mobile phones ( yes, I know),

-What was I talking about (I don’t know!)

Yesterday I made him a nice dinner, gave him a neck massage, and then after I made sure his tummy is filled and his nerves are relaxed, I asked for a new laptop.

“Sure” he said.”what kind of laptops would you like

I was about to say “the kind that has a screen, a keyboard and can get me online faster than this old thing I have now” but I knew I’ll just sound stupid!

“You’re the expert, which do you recommend”

And all I remember after my question, was hearing all sort of names, types, features which I understand nothing about! I even thought “why did I have to ask! My laptop is just fine! sure its 4 years old, and very slow, but it’s just fine!

What Is wrong with my brain! why can’t I comprehend anything related to this subject! When my husband tells me that my computer has a virus, I feel sad as if its sick and I wish I could make it a warm cup of tea and give it two tablets of Panadol, maybe it will feel better! but then I remember it’s a machine that we’re talking about!

Another embarrassing thing about me, is that I have the memory of a fish!!! ( you know fish’s memory is wiped out every 5 seconds) especially when it comes to the names of pharmaceutical drugs! before our monthly visit to my daughter’s doctor I memorize the names of the drugs I’m giving her just like a student getting ready to take a difficult exam! But once that red hair man asks me: what did you give her for her ear’s infection, or for her tummy pain I black out ! “ehhhhhhh, ehhhhhhhhhh, ehhhh I squeeze my brain, but I can’t remember! I give my husband that desperate look that says : Help! and my hero runs to the rescue. Thanks God he has a good memory!

I’m starting to think I have a brain leak !

The positive side of this matter is that I don’t remember fighting with people! I would have had a dreadful fight with someone and two days later I greet them and talk to them as if nothing has  happened. At first people used to be surprised, but now they know me well, and it’s something they like about me (especially my mother in law!)

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Baby Blues Attack!

I’ve been having the feeling that something is just not right about my life lately!

Two days ago, after I finished my shower, I was drying my hair in front of the mirror, when I saw a pair of scissors on the shelf next to me and the craziest idea popped into my mind! I grabbed the scissors and started chopping my long, beautiful, just recently highlighted hair!

After I was done, reality punched its cruel fist at me! What have I done! I knew I was going through one of my famous blackout moments! Cutting my hair was my way of dealing with blues, the hardest types of blues, since I was 17 years old! Every two or 3 years, I get this insane feeling, the need, the urge, to cut my lovely hair! and I start growing it all over again!

I had to sit down for a while, sipping a cup of dark coffee and writing down a list of my life’s recent highlights, some sort of reality check!

1- My marriage: a very happy marriage, so this is not the reason.

2-My home: one of those dream houses, again not the reason.

3- Our family: all are very supportive, and caring.No not it.

4-My health: very well, thanks God!

5- My dreams: most of them came true, the others are on their way!

6-My daughter: An angel! I can’t imagine someone who loves her baby more than me! But since she was born, I haven’t been able to get anything accomplished! It seems as if my life is rotating around this tiny creature! I haven’t had any “ME” time, and If I go out with my husband and leave her with someone, I feel heart-broken as if I have done a terrible act of selfishness and I’m not worthy of being a mother! When she cries and I don’t succeed in comforting her “which happens sometimes”  My tears start dropping like the Niagara Falls!

So that’s it! It’s the Evil effect of that horrible baby blues ! And one would think that after 3 months of delivery this won’t happen! After I gave birth to Anna, I was glad not to have the pleasure of getting face to face with the famous baby blues that everyone talks about! but, here it is! a delayed unhappy surprise! And my poor hair paid the price! Why new moms get the baby blues any way?  Google once again offered me the answer: “Having a baby is stressful—no matter how much you’ve looked forward to it or how much you love your child. Considering the sleep deprivation, new responsibilities, and lack of time for yourself, it’s no surprise that a lot of new moms feel like they’re on an emotional roller coaster. ” (http://helpguide.org/)

It’s funny how good it felt after I cut my hair!  Yes its true I made a mess and I needed to get myself to the nearest hairstylist  to clean it up!  ” Once you know that I’m a Gemini you’ll not encounter this behavior as weird”. I know it’s just a phase that will fade away, because I’m a healthy young woman with a supportive husband and a loving family, and because I thank God everyday for the blessing of being a mother and having a wonderful baby girl like Anna. Babies grow up in a blink! I remember I used to hear my grandma tell my mom”Be patient, one day you’ll close your eyes and when you open them you’ll notice they have grown! ” My grandma had Ten children, My mom had four, and I’m struggling with this little angle! God bless the previous generations, we are a generation of spoiled mothers I tell you! We women know that, but we keep it a secret from our men! shhhh…

I was caught by surprise when my husband suddenly opened the front door! “Someone give me a hat!!!!! ” I thought to myself! He stood in the entrance staring on what used to be an amazing long hair, and which looks now like a piece of agricultural land which has been harvest in the driest day of the season!

Later that night, I was sipping wine and eating chestnuts by our fire-place with the great man I married, enjoying my new, improved hair cut “After my stylist saved my life off course! Thank you Makram!”

Cheers My Love!

Cheers my love,

You had me smile again,

In the kindness of your heart

I found the cure of all my pain…

All the darkness of my past,

you wiped out…

You had me learn, that

every bitter night I once lived ,

every tear I once wept

Every day I spent before we met

were not a part of my life,

I now define “life”: the day I met you!

Cheers, raise your glass with me,

it’s a toast of gratitude that we’re in love,

It’s been a year since we joined our souls, and lives

I recap,

our smiles, our hugs,

our silly fights, our late night dinners,

my tears, and your soothing touch,

This year, like the one before,

you’re the best gift I ever got!

I pray that my gift will be the same next year, and for years to come,

Cheers my love!

you lighten my burdens, you brighten my days,

because of you I’m a happier woman,

in so many ways,

Let’s say our prayers,

and drink our wine,

It’s enough for me to know

that in this new year,

you’ll still be, All mine…

Cheers!


The Ungrateful

Quote

   The Ungrateful… someone who doesn’t appreciate all the things you do for him. Someone who turns his back to you when you most expect him to return your favors. Someone who eats at your table and talks behind your back, or more precisely stabs you in the back. Yes off-course you know the ungrateful  because we all have one in our lives! Maybe a family member, a colleague at work, an unworthy friend, a jealous neighbor perhaps! Fortunately for me I have come across with many ungrateful people in my life, most of them used to be my friends, and some of them still are.

   You might wonder why I said “fortunately for me”,  well If you have asked me one year ago I would have said that there’s nothing fortunate about it, and those people never deserved to be in my life or get a piece of my affection, but now I see it differently!

   I know how much it hurts and depresses you to treat someone with love and trust, but receive the vice in return. It is very easy to go with the concept an eye for an eye! someone hurts you and you hurt back, they stab you in the back and you do the same. But think how brave of you it is to know that the other is being unjust to you, yet you keep calm and proud! Think how courageous you are, when you have all the power to hurt back, yet you choose to turn the other cheek. Few, and few only choose to forgive the ungrateful, because it is a very hard choice to take. It needs someone with great self confidence and a lot of kindness and good will, which are not so much of popular traits these days! But once you take that decision, once you choose not to return the ungratefulness, you’ll experience the most spectacular energy filing your soul, a new kind of joy, you know you did the right thing. I am fortunate to witness this feeling!

   The ungrateful are miserable human beings, nothing is ever enough for them. Nothing satisfies their hunger, they are blinded so they can’t see the blessings that surround them, and are trapped behind a wall of envy and greed. We ought to pity them since we are fortunate enough to witness and appreciate all the blessings that God has given us. We are able to experience happiness through the simple things in life and yet be grateful. Our souls are not empty, and vague. We know how to give thanks to God and those who deserve. Don not be sad from their behaviors, but be happy from yours. You’re the one who is ready to give, and at the same time knows how to be grateful…

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